I’m a Winner!

It was foretold that I would win … and I did.

Her hair was long, dark and wild, sensually cascading over her shoulders like gravy down a mountain of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving.

She looked at me with her smoldering eyes that could melt shaved ice on a hot summer’s day and said the three words I was hoping she would say, “You will win.” Oh yeah, then she added, “Guaranteed” with the cockiness of a sorceress crafting a love potion made with human tears shed for unrequited love.

How did she know that I would even be playing her game, let alone win? Oh right, I’ve been shopping there for 20+ years now and I always play their stupid Monopoly game.

That’s right, the biggest time waster outside of my kids is back at my local grocery store, their Monopoly game. For the next three months, I will be opening game pieces, carefully matching them to the game board with unbridled hope, and typing in codes online in hopes of winning a $10 gift card, which I have done twice! Woo-hoo! With the effort I exert, that amounts to about $0.05 per hour return on my time invested. And don’t forget the Instant Winners. We won over $20 of products last time thanks to Instant Winner tickets. I am sure some day we will have a use for the free tub of lard, and I’m not referring to myself.

But she was right. The first ticket I nervously opened at home …

Boom, winner. Cash value … $0.50. I dropped everything and was ready to race back to the store to get my gravy, but had to stop and pick up my set of car keys which was one of the things I dropped when I dropped everything.

Once I got to the store, I faced a dilemma. Most of the available gravies (Note to self: ‘Available Gravies’ is a good name for a band) are meat-themed, and I am a pescatarian, so beef and pork-related gravies don’t interest me much. Come to think of it, no gravies interest me at all, but I did have a free gravy coming, so I was determined to find one.

There was one called brown gravy which I assume is derived from something brown. I passed. That was just not a day that I was willing to risk discovering what that brown thing is. And then there was this country gravy …

I think those dark pieces in the gravy are the country part, probably actual parts of the earth from this country. The bottom line was that I declined to select a winning gravy, for now. Free gravy may not have been right for me at this time, but I know I will be asking friends and family about their gravy preferences in the near future as some birthdays are coming up soon. Nothing says Happy Birthday like packaged gravy.