Trump Sets Twitter Record
Tag: satire
United Airlines Over a Barrel
BREAKING NEWS …
United Airlines is reacting to passengers fleeing the airline in the wake of the passenger-dragging incident by announcing that to make up for the expected loss of revenue, United Airlines has entered an agreement to carry barrel bombs for the Syrian government.
Random Thoughts on Sean Spicer’s Gas Problem and the Trump Administration
Trump’s Press Secretary Sean Spicer should leave the anti-Jewish comments to a professional Nazi like Steve Bannon.
The Holocaust Center of Pittsburgh wants to make it perfectly clear that it is definitely NOT one of the “Holocaust Centers” that Sean Spicer referred to that were used by the Nazis to gas Jews in World War 2.
Today is the first day of the Trump Administration where someone other than Trump himself said or tweeted the dumbest statement of the day.
Is there some way that we can get all members of the Trump Administration to fly United Airlines?
Trump Gorsuch Tweets Captioned
I watched the video embedded in Trump’s Gorsuch swearing-in tweet, and wondered if what they were really saying and thinking went something more like this …
Family Tweet Time
Stupid Is As Stupid Does
Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is threatening to change Senate rules that require 60 votes for confirmation of a Supreme Court Justice to a simple majority confirmation, also know as the “nuclear option.”
Arizona Senator John McCain has publicly stated that anyone who wants to change that Senate rule is a stupid idiot.
Is there anyone who doesn’t think that Mitch McConnell is a stupid idiot?
That’s what I thought.
Want even more stupidity? John McCain will vote for the Senate rule change that he thinks you would have to be a stupid idiot to support.
Make sure to check all logical reasoning at the door when entering the Senate please.
Jinping Pong
Trump Tweets Lie List
USA Depends on Jared
BREAKING NEWS …
Jared Kushner lands in Iraq for a visit with an itinerary that will depend on how close Kushner gets to the actual fighting and how long his supply of a key item holds up.
In a related story, Kushner’s trip to Iraq is being sponsored by Depend for Men.
Trump Hopes Chinese President Likes Golf
The Flynn Flam Man
“Yeah, so a couple things, the very last thing that John Podesta just said is no individual too big to jail, that should include people like Hillary Clinton. I mean, five people around her have had, have been given immunity, to include her former Chief of Staff. When you are given immunity, that means that you have probably committed a crime.” – General Mike Flynn on Meet The Press, September 25, 2016.
On March 30, 2017, the now disgraced former National Security Adviser Mike Flynn requested immunity from prosecution in exchange for his testimony to the FBI and Congress.
Trump supporters can come to only one conclusion …
Hillary should be in jail for her emails!
Russian Friends?
BREAKING NEWS:
Russian influence in the USA has now been traced all the way back to unsuccessful efforts to get Jennifer Aniston as Rachel removed from the cast of “Friends” back in the early 2000’s. Sources claim that Russia hoped the cast shake-up would make the US appear less friendly.
Trump’s Secret Tweet Message of Truth
Donald Trump is telling the truth. I know that is hard to believe, but I am convinced that he is truthfully speaking to us, the American public, through his tweets. We just have to find the true meaning in his tweeted messages.
Take this one for example …
I see the message. I see the truth. I feel liberated. Oops, that’s just due to a lack of pants as I type this. But I do see the message as I separate the wheat from the chaff. Take a closer look …
Bannon Usurped as Top Trump Adviser!
Rare Hair Lair
Cash Pipe
Another Trump Bestseller
Devin Intervention
Breaking News …
Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Devin Nunes, dismissed revelations that he briefed Donald Trump on new intelligence information regarding the Russian surveillance investigation before the information was even provided to his own intelligence committee. When confronted by our crack investigative team, Nunes clarified his position for us. “Look, this is no big deal. I play no favorites. When I get some new intelligence about Trump, I tell Trump. When I get some new intelligence about Putin, I tell Putin.”
Ainsley Outed!
I swear I was NOT watching Fox & Friends this morning purposely. I didn’t even realize it was on one of the televisions in the workout room in the hotel where I was staying. I was already into my treadmill run when I noticed it was on. When I run, I am barely able to continuously put one foot in front of the other. There was absolutely no way that I would be able to pause the treadmill, get off the treadmill, change the channel, get back on the treadmill, start the treadmill, and continue running. That was just not going to happen. Somewhere between pausing the treadmill and getting back on, I would end up sitting on the weight bench eating a candy bar, despite not even having a candy bar in my possession. So I plodded on while the blithering idiots on Fox & Friends blathered on.
They were discussing ancestry and exploring one’s heritage through DNA analysis. When thinking of the Fox & Friends hosts’ ancestry, this image flashed through my mind …
If a Trump tweet has spelling errors, it must be authentic, right?
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 