Hollywood Called But Got My Voicemail

After making my screen debut in 2022 and positively sizzling on the silver screen in such movie roles as bar patron, funeral mourner, and HS social studies teacher, there is no doubt that Hollywood has taken notice of my considerable acting skills and ability to eat an excessive share of the free refreshments set out for the actors and extras. It’s true that I have not yet received a nomination for an Oscar, Golden Globe, or even a People’s Choice Award, as if I would even accept a nomination for that last one. However, I know Hollywood has their eyes on me. How do I know? I received this invitation the other day.

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Hollywood Comes Calling

After launching my movie career as a hilarious comedy extra in a short film, and following that with a dramatic speaking role in a feature film, Hollywood can’t get enough of me. I recently was invited to read for a lead role in a film using a British accent. I can do a couple phrases in a Cockney accent, but a proper British accent eludes me. Oddly enough, I write in British English. As a couple examples, I always want to add a “u” to words like color, and I tend towards using towards rather than toward. See what I mean? My editor/cousin/godmother pointed those and others out to me as she edits my short stories. Could I be the reincarnation of Charles Dickens?

And I really have not had the time (or British accent) lately to pursue show biz. I’ve been much too busy at work and with the upcoming election. But Hollywood refuses to be denied my talents and continues recruiting me. I received this invitation today.

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That’s a Wrap!

Filming finished last week on the set of 32 Degrees, the comedy short film that used me as an extra. I didn’t get much screen time the first day, so when I reported to the director for the second day of filming, I requested he highlight my best side. He agreed and promptly positioned me with my back to the camera. But, I did get to turn around to react appropriately when something happened in the film.

And I got to turn to the side (my one semi-good side!) to pretend to speak to someone else at the table who was off screen. We pretend-spoke about alien abductions in case you are interested.

Once the extras were done filming, we were dismissed way too early for me to stuff my pockets with snacks. I did snap this selfie for my memory scrapbook.

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Lights … Camera … Inaction!

After several attempts, I finally made it onto a movie set last night … and I didn’t sneak in. I was there to be filmed and likely turned into a matinee idol and overnight sensation. No, it isn’t a major motion picture. It’s a short comedy film that will undoubtedly net me an Academy Award nomination for Best Background Extra Who Can Barely Be Seen.

Upon arriving on time to the movie set in a Chicago restaurant, I sat for an hour. It turns out that there’s lots of sitting around on movie sets waiting for something, anything to happen. Fortunately, there were plenty of snacks for us extras to gorge on. Sure, we are unpaid extras, but do you have any idea how many bags of fruit snacks I can cram into my pants pockets?

The set looked something like this.

In fact, it looked exactly like that … except when there was a giant 8 foot tall polar bear in the shot. Then it looked more like this.

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