Jim Flanigan Looks at the World
Turning the Mundane into Fundane Since 2015
Comedy Central can’t wait for Dr. Ben Carson to drop from the Republican primary race. A source inside Comedy Central has revealed that the network has signed Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson to star in a Comedy Central show that is currently being developed for him. Continue reading “Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central”
In the wake of the first debate between the Democratic primary candidates, the polls reflect some significant changes and a new contender. Not too much changed at the top as Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders still lead the polls. Clinton polls extremely well with those wearing pants suits, getting approval from over 95% of that demographic. Sanders earned high marks from the “no original teeth” demographic, especially in the Northern states. Those in that demographic polled did complain that the debate was on too late, it conflicted with Matlock reruns, and the mashed potatoes at dinner were too lumpy. Sanders did not do so well in the “no original teeth” demographic in the South where that demographic cuts across all age groups.
Although not directly funding the Carly Fiorina campaign yet, the conservative billionaire Koch Brothers have started throwing support Carly Fiorina’s way. As the Koch Brothers continue to explore which Republican candidate to support since their first choice Scott Walker has left the primary race, they have made an initial overture of support to Carly Fiorina. As a first step, the Koch Brothers have made arrangements to pay for the plastic surgery necessary to smooth Ms. Fiorina’s chin cellulite.
Reportedly, the Koch Brothers are attracted to Fiorina’s ability to ignore facts and create her own reality, the same trait that drew them to Scott Walker.
Place: Jeb! Bush Campaign Headquarters
Jeb to Campaign Staff: “How is it possible that I am now polling at 4%?”
Campaign Staff: “Stuff happens.”
With the number of Republican Presidential Primary Candidates not declining as quickly as expected, the Republican National Committee is considering a change in their debate format. The current format of an overloaded main debate among candidates leading in the polls as well as a “kiddie-table” debate among those candidates at the bottom of the polls has proven cumbersome at best. Continue reading “Republicans Plan New Debate Format”
After withdrawing from the Republican presidential primary, former Texas Governor Rick Perry discovered that he didn’t have much on his plate anymore except waiting around for the felony charge pending against him to work it’s way through the court system. With a visit from Pope coming up, Perry decided to pitch in to get Texas ready for the Papal visit. The Pope is not scheduled to visit Texas, and Rick Perry aims to keep it that way. He’s lending a hand with inflatable fencing to ring the state with the goal to keep the Pontiff out.
“If the Pope sees the greatness of the state of Texas, he may just choose to settle here … illegally,” Perry suggested. He continued, “I mean, where he lives is full of Italians and he’s Hispanic. Why wouldn’t he choose Texas?”
When asked about the effectiveness of an inflatable fence, Perry replied, “He’s an older man, so these inflatable fences should be a cost-effective way to keep the Pope out, unless he brings his Vatican Guard to help storm the border.” Mr. Perry declined to comment on the likelihood that the Pope would fly into a Texas airport rather than walking or driving the Popemobile across the border.
With the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina in the news, former President George W. Bush has been back in the national spotlight. In an effort to further distance himself from his brother’s presidential failures like Katrina response, Republican Presidential candidate Jeb Bush has rolled out a new campaign logo.
Bush’s original logo has been criticized for not mentioning the Bush family name. Critics have wondered aloud if Jeb Bush is ashamed of the Bush legacy. With his new logo, the Jeb Bush campaign appears to be seeking a level of independence and anonymity heretofore never attempted in a Presidential election.
The Bush campaign rolled out the new logo at a campaign stop in New Hampshire leaving voters a bit puzzled. The new Jeb Bush campaign logo definitely makes it clear that Jeb Bush is his own man, but the question is “which man?” One local at the campaign stop remarked, “There are so many candidates in the election, anyone not named Donald Trump had better have an actual name.” When reached for comment, Donald Trump uncharacteristically could only offer, “?”
The policies and positions of Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders are the only things pulling Hillary back to a centrist-enough position that she will not be able to become the 18th candidate in the Republican primary.
I have frogs in my pond. I think they are Republican Primary Frogs.
You can see 2 very visibly in the picture, but there are actually 3 more hiding in the reeds! I’m not sure how they got into my pond. I don’t want them in my pond, but they just showed up anyway. The nearest body of water is about a half mile away. It took some effort to get to my pond without an invitation. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but they are also kind of hard to get rid of at the end of the season. I have to drain the pond and haul them away to a place where they can safely overwinter. Even after doing that, the next spring I still pull a dead one or two from the pond that just couldn’t stay away.
On top of all that, how am I sure that they are Republican Primary Frogs? Despite their large numbers, only one is black.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 