My Time at the DNC

Yeah, I know I wrote about not finding any volunteer jobs available at the DNC this week befitting a man of my ilk. And then I did, thanks to friends who were diligently looking for similar volunteer opportunities rather than griping about it through some random humor blog. I somehow missed a great job that was described to me by a guy who traveled all the way from Philadelphia to volunteer. He drove delegates around in a golf cart in cavernous McCormick Place as they caucused. Who doesn’t like driving a golf cart? I’m sorry I missed that gig.

But volunteering at the United Center moved me to try the CTA Blue Line elevated train which stops close to the UC. Ew, public transportation, right? It was immaculate!

It looked better than I did as I put forth a strained smile while struggling to take this selfie.

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Unconventional

Fellow Democrats are descending upon Chicago to formally nominate the Kamala Harris/Tim Walz ticket for the election in November. I hear that additionally, despite his service to our nation, Joe Biden will be ceremoniously put on a Greyhound bus out of town. Democrats can be a tough bunch.

I thought it would be fun and interesting to volunteer for the Democratic National Convention as long as it’s in town. I envisioned myself writing jokes for VP Harris to boisterously laugh at. Maybe make some Tik Tok videos of Tim Walz dispensing life hacks about how best to work the breakfast buffet at his hotel. Or, perhaps being the one to drive President Uncle Joe to the bus depot. And amazingly, I passed the security clearance to volunteer!

As I perused the volunteer opportunities, I gravitated toward these.

As a former adult film star, I thought escorting would be a natural for me. But are the Democrats so randy that they need some escort action while in the airports? Can’t they wait to get to their hotels? Anyway, my wife put a stop to this idea. I looked further.

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How To Lose Credibility With Me

I had one very interesting day last week. I braved the alleged most dangerous city in the USA per Fox News, Trump, MAGA, and assorted other clowns to attend a trade show in Chicago. Yes, the same Chicago that recently hosted Lollapalooza with 110,000 people per day packed into Grant Park with ZERO casualties over the 4 festival days. No shootings. No overdoses. No heat-related deaths, and it was hot. The crowd for Chappell Roan was massive.

I wouldn’t be caught dead in a crowd like that, but nobody else was either, because Chicago is safe and a great place to visit or live. I felt safe visiting the trade show as well as a store named Woolly Mammoth where I attempted to sell my human skull.

No, not my own personal skull which I’m still using at times, but a skull I inherited from a former boss when he passed away. I liked it for a while, but then it started making me sad thinking about its original owner. The proprietor of Woolly Mammoth and I talked human skulls for a while, but we were unable to agree on a price. He wasn’t the one that lost credibility with me. He was quite credible and obviously knew his skulls. It was the guy who took my blood at the stop I made just before Woolly Mammoth.

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Bridge Over Trumpled Waters

I have enjoyed the reporting from the NYC courthouse regarding the Trump trial. It’s very informative and professional.

But am I the only one who gets an overwhelming urge to listen to a Simon and Garfunkel song after those segments?

Flies On Washington Walls #205 – Sad SOTU News

Flies On Washington Walls #204 – American Crime

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New Music for Old Rockers – Climate Change Edition

Today is a perfect day to roll out this new song by The Decemberists. It won’t be good for long as temperatures will plunge tonight by 50 degrees F from a high today of 72F/22C to 22F/-5.5C by tomorrow morning. But for the moment, as I type, my windows are open, and I just listened to this song that makes me recall the Beach Boys on a summer day.

What a pleasant new song release in February by The Decemberists that makes me think of June, while it feels like summer on this winter day. Ugh, I’m climately confused. Anyway, I especially like the addition of the jazzy trumpet coming in at the 2:40 mark.

In addition, this song has some importance to me politically and personally. No, I don’t wish Trump would find his way down into some burial ground, and yes, I lie sometimes. No, I am not thinking of my own death more often these days, and yes again, I lie sometimes. Read on because I’m dying to tell you more.

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I’m Shocked by Texas

I’m not surprised by many of the weird things that go on in Texas these days. However, I was totally shocked by this one.

I must clarify. I’m not surprised that a Texan is taking items that are for sale in a store and sticking them up his privates in public. I mean, it’s Texas, also known as Florida West. And who among us wouldn’t prefer trying something before buying? What shocks me is that Texas doesn’t have a law on the books prohibiting men from wearing kilts in public. Where are the pockets to carry his weapons? Oh, wait, maybe he carries the weapons another way.

Mite Be Funny #309 – Happy Thanksgiving

We Are Not Alone – Concert Edition

But after raising 5 kids and 11 dogs, I want to be alone. It became obvious to me last night as I took some video (more audio than video since I had an obstructed view) of The Hooters in concert that none of us are alone. They’re here, watching us, and last night they were enjoying some 40 year old music. Who is here? Aliens, of course. And not the kind of aliens the MAGA crowd is always bitching about. I’m taking about the extraterrestrial kind of aliens.

Last night I passed on seeing Tommy Tutone (no original band members!) and Rick Springfield at an 80’s concert. I caught Paul Young singing this song to conclude his set, but his vocals no longer sound like they do in that video. Hey, 40 years is a long time. And I can’t confirm if he can still dance like in the video, since I chose a spot to sit across the river with better sound but a somewhat obstructed view. I was there to partially see & hear The Hooters as I indicated in yesterday’s post.

The Hooters sounded great, but they played a bit too long. When you have to start playing covers to extend your set, that’s too long. But I’m glad they did! We were all waiting for them to wrap their set with “And We Danced,” except for the people next to me who had no idea about anyone who was playing last night.

And maybe “they” knew it was coming, too. They … them … the aliens. I took some video of the brilliant full moon over Aurora, Illinois last night as The Hooters ended their set. I thought nothing of it until this morning when I took a look & listen to the video. There it was. Sorry, there “they” were. No, not The Hooters. Remember, I had an obstructed view. Damn trees. No, they = aliens. Take a look if you don’t care if your mind gets blown.

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A Lollapalooza Concert Report

It’s Lollapalooza weekend in Chicago, so here’s my Lolla report on the concerts I’ve seen so far. I haven’t seen any. It turns out that we needed not only a new refrigerator-freezer, but also a new hot water heater. For whatever reasons, my family insists on hot water. Bourgeois elitists. What’s next on their list of demands? Indoor plumbing?

Anyway, my concert budget plummeted to zero quicker than Trump’s chance at acquittal of all charges after another indictment. I am left with scrounging for free shows. I did get an email about a free Michael McDermott show for tonight. We have become fans, although we have seen him twice in the span of 9 months. Another time and we may graduate from fans to stalkers. And can they make this show sound a little better?

It sounds like he’ll be busking for loose change from commuters rather than headlining a free show at the Northbrook Days festival. It should be good, but it’s an hour away, so I opted for this local concert for which I “won” free tickets.

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A Political Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

When Trump got COVID, I really didn’t care what happened. I knew he would get the best of care, and he did. If he hadn’t recovered, well, that would have been quite ironic. But now, I find myself wanting the best of health for Trump. I want him to live a long life, at least another 20 years. The reason is that I want to see him like this …

For as long as humanly possible. Am I a bad guy?

A Tale of Two Concerts

How in the bloody hell did I end up at this show over the weekend?

Some say it’s because I’m Father of the Year. I volunteered to take my 15-year-old daughter and her friend to see the feminist punk band Destroy Boys. You may remember them from their haunting ballad “I Threw Glass at My Friend’s Eyes and Now I’m on Probation.” Anyway, I took these two lovely young ladies into Chicago to Metro to see the show.

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A Political Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

I saw this story and was quite interested in the details surrounding this presidential campaign event.

The full details of the story absolutely must be read on the Page Six website, but if reading isn’t your thing, here’s a YouTube synopsis.

I am so disappointed. I really wanted the climate denying farter to be RFK Jr. and for this incident to sink his sad campaign. Am I a bad guy?

Summer Concerts Rock

While I prefer my summer concerts to be outdoors, I kicked off my 2023 summer concert series with my wife at an indoor show at City Winery in Chicago where I recently saw some of XTC perform as EXTC. The great thing about venturing out in Chicago to do anything is that there are never any Fox News viewers out & about in Chicago. One of the great cities of the world is just a bit too scary for them. My message to Fox News viewers is to listen to Steve Perry of Journey and “Don’t stop believing” that nonsense. We really don’t miss having you around.

We had just seen Michael McDermott around Halloween last year do his annual Halloweensteen show where he pays tribute to Bruce Springsteen. It was a great show, and it was free, courtesy of local radio station WXRT, which made the show even greater. But I had never seen McDermott perform his own music. In fact, outside of absolutely loving one of his songs and having heard a few others, I was somewhat unfamiliar with his catalog. So, it was with some trepidation that I bought tickets to see McDermott perform his album Gethsemane on the 30th anniversary of its release.

Well, the gamble paid off. First, his Gethsemane album is a gem from beginning to end. No wonder he was being hailed as the next Dylan. You can listen to the whole album here.

But there have been big changes in McDermott in the 30 years since Gethsemane was released.

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The Green Season

I thought I was done dodging political fundraising requests for a while. We just finished up local elections this month, and I did financially support local candidates. Just to clarify, by financially supporting candidates, I mean I went to their fundraising events and did not eat or drink an inordinate amount of the free refreshments provided.

But President Uncle Joe announced his bid for a second term yesterday, and look what he texted to my phone shortly after.

Now that’s awfully nice of him to personally text me, but shouldn’t he be focused on more important issues than texting me like Ukraine, high gas prices, inflation, climate change, and if I listen to Tucker Carlson (RIP), his son Hunter’s laptop that is likely full of Hillary’s missing emails? President Uncle Joe went on in his text to ask for money, which I thought was rude. It’s kind of like asking for a gold watch before you start a job. No, wait, it’s nothing like that. I guess anytime anyone asks me for money I think it’s rude. But I did decide to donate these items to the three announced Democrat candidates for president:

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Merry Arrestmas

During this Arrestmas season, have you noticed how Republicans won’t say, “Merry Arrestmas” and will only say “Happy Holidays” or “Fuck off?” Come to think of it, they always say the latter to me. Dare I suggest that Republicans are waging a War on Arrestmas?

Okay, so I vowed in my last post not to go back to Trump coverage, but a friend sent me this today.

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Ball of Confusion

I’m confused.

Editor’s Note: Duh! As if we didn’t know that.

Anyway, I’m gearing up for our local municipal elections in April in which our gaggle of St. Charles Township Democrats are supporting the campaigns of local moderate to progressive candidates for school board, library board, park board, etc. There is a hard right wing extremist group calling themselves Awake Illinois that also has candidates vying for seats. They are well known for their anti-mask, anti-vaxx platform and for crashing school board meetings and the public library without masks when masks were required.

They have other wacky ideas and are in general opposed to what they call “woke” culture. That’s where my confusion comes in. Can’t we consider them woke if they are part of Awake Illinois? Should they perhaps have chosen Asleep Illinois as their group name rather than a name suggesting they have been woke?

Editor’s Note: Why not sleep on it? Your readers are already.

Mite Be Funny #306 – Huge Multi-Panel Reflections on the Day of Hate

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Mite Be Funny #304 – Huge, Multi-Panel Chinese Spy Balloon Bad Joke Edition

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