Ben Carson Gets Mugged!
Tag: election
Chris Christie Preps for Debate
Fox Business Network Promises Smoother Republican Debate
Republican presidential hopefuls should feel more comfortable with the next debate hosted by conservative-friendly Fox Business Network. The last debate hosted by CNBC featured significant squabbling between the candidates and liberal-media moderators with plenty of perceived “gotcha” questions. Fox Business promises a smoother format that will permit the candidates more opportunity to present their campaign platforms without interference from partisan moderators. Continue reading “Fox Business Network Promises Smoother Republican Debate”
“Jeb Can Fix It” Campaign Portends Bush’s Next Career
Jeb Bush has launched his “Jeb Can Fix it” campaign as his presidential aspirations continue to dissipate into the ether. This new campaign appears to have a dual purpose. Continue reading ““Jeb Can Fix It” Campaign Portends Bush’s Next Career”
The Sad State of Jeb Bush’s Campaign
- Even Jeb Bush’s logo is sad.
Jeb Bush Prepares for Trump Onslaught at Debate
Trump Demands More at Debate
The third Republican primary debate will be shorter this time, truncated to two hours due to demands from candidates Donald Trump and Ben Carson. Perhaps they believe that if the debate goes longer like the previous ones that they will eventually say something so stupid that it will deter voters, but that has not happened so far. I mean the voter determent, not the saying something stupid part which has been constant during this primary race. Continue reading “Trump Demands More at Debate”
Halloween Comes Early to Colorado
Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central
Comedy Central can’t wait for Dr. Ben Carson to drop from the Republican primary race. A source inside Comedy Central has revealed that the network has signed Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson to star in a Comedy Central show that is currently being developed for him. Continue reading “Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central”
Lincoln Chafee Quits Race
Lincoln Chafee announced he is leaving the Democratic presidential primary race. Twitter and facebook responded by not blowing up.
When reached for comment, both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders asked, “Who?” Martin O’Malley, missing since he announced his candidacy, could not be located for comment.
Benghazi Hearings Infuriate Jim Webb
The House Benghazi committee hearings with Hillary Clinton are infuriating former Democratic presidential candidate Jim Webb. Webb was angered at receiving about 50% of the speaking time Hillary Clinton enjoyed during the first Democratic debate, prompting him to quit the Democratic primary race and ponder a run as an Independent. “It’s just not fair. If Hillary gets questioned about Benghazi, then I want my chance and equal time to be questioned about Benghazi,” ranted Webb.
Find Martin O’Malley
Jim Webb to Go Independent
Reports are that Democratic presidential candidate Jim Webb has decided to drop from the Democratic primary race. The seemingly angriest Democratic candidate is reportedly pondering a future solo role either as an independent presidential candidate or as a lone gunman.
First Democratic Debate Rocks Polls
In the wake of the first debate between the Democratic primary candidates, the polls reflect some significant changes and a new contender. Not too much changed at the top as Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders still lead the polls. Clinton polls extremely well with those wearing pants suits, getting approval from over 95% of that demographic. Sanders earned high marks from the “no original teeth” demographic, especially in the Northern states. Those in that demographic polled did complain that the debate was on too late, it conflicted with Matlock reruns, and the mashed potatoes at dinner were too lumpy. Sanders did not do so well in the “no original teeth” demographic in the South where that demographic cuts across all age groups.
Biden Camp Wary of Open Podium at Democratic Debate
While Joe Biden ponders whether or not to throw his hat into the Presidential race, his advisers are working behind the scenes to remove the open podium that is available for him at the first Democratic presidential debate. “In case of Biden break out podium number 6. Here it is folks,” says senior White House correspondent Jim Acosta on Twitter.
Biden’s camp is concerned that if Mr. Biden does not participate in the debate, then the viewing public may find the open podium more dynamic, interesting and appealing than the actual candidate himself.
Trump Miffed By Democratic Debate Snub
Donald Trump is making headlines again as he is reportedly upset about being left out of the first Democratic presidential debate. Trump blasted the Democrat’s decision to exclude him saying, “I was a registered Democrat for years and am a front-runner for President. I belong on that stage to take on Hillary, the old guy and the rest of the losers. Nobody can beat me this election. Nobody can beat me except me. I want the opportunity to beat myself.” I think most of America does.
Koch Brothers Support Carly Fiorina
Although not directly funding the Carly Fiorina campaign yet, the conservative billionaire Koch Brothers have started throwing support Carly Fiorina’s way. As the Koch Brothers continue to explore which Republican candidate to support since their first choice Scott Walker has left the primary race, they have made an initial overture of support to Carly Fiorina. As a first step, the Koch Brothers have made arrangements to pay for the plastic surgery necessary to smooth Ms. Fiorina’s chin cellulite.
Reportedly, the Koch Brothers are attracted to Fiorina’s ability to ignore facts and create her own reality, the same trait that drew them to Scott Walker.
Jeb Stumps Staff
Place: Jeb! Bush Campaign Headquarters
Jeb to Campaign Staff: “How is it possible that I am now polling at 4%?”
Campaign Staff: “Stuff happens.”
Jeb! 2016 Takes On New Look
With the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina in the news, former President George W. Bush has been back in the national spotlight. In an effort to further distance himself from his brother’s presidential failures like Katrina response, Republican Presidential candidate Jeb Bush has rolled out a new campaign logo.
Bush’s original logo has been criticized for not mentioning the Bush family name. Critics have wondered aloud if Jeb Bush is ashamed of the Bush legacy. With his new logo, the Jeb Bush campaign appears to be seeking a level of independence and anonymity heretofore never attempted in a Presidential election.
The Bush campaign rolled out the new logo at a campaign stop in New Hampshire leaving voters a bit puzzled. The new Jeb Bush campaign logo definitely makes it clear that Jeb Bush is his own man, but the question is “which man?” One local at the campaign stop remarked, “There are so many candidates in the election, anyone not named Donald Trump had better have an actual name.” When reached for comment, Donald Trump uncharacteristically could only offer, “?”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 