Truckin’

September 13, 2019September 13, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

Yesterday, while Democratic candidates were beating each other up in a debate, House Republicans on a retreat in Baltimore were listening to a rambling, repetitive diatribe from guest-slurrer Donald Trump. Yes, the same Baltimore that Trump decried as rat-infested. So, MadDog PAC and Twitter provocateur Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) took their Trump Rat Truck to Baltimore to join the protests. Oh, they also embellished the street sign a bit.

I just bought one of those signs from MadDog PAC (you can too at www.maddogpac.com) and am looking for a landing spot on the Flanigan compound to proudly display it. The Baltimore Sun covered the event and the counter-protests. I read their article online mainly to see what they said about the Trump Rat Truck. However, in the course of reading the article, an ad came up. That’s normal, but this time the ad was just so apropos. The article was talking about House Republicans losing the majority in 2018, and this was the ad that followed …

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September 11, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

BREAKING NEWS: To commemorate 9/11, Donald Trump will play 9 holes today with only 11 clubs in his bag. He will honor the victims by NOT using a pitching wedge.

My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Four – The Announcement

September 6, 2019September 6, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

I wanted to release excerpts from Chapter 4 on Labor Day, but I didn’t. Uh, that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse or explanation. Pretty lame. Let’s just agree that the important thing is that excerpts from the Chapter 4 rough draft follow below.

Now for those that haven’t read along with MPTWTBP up to this point, good for you. Don’t waste your time. Go for a walk. Climb a mountain. Pick wildflowers. Take hallucinogens. Enjoy life. For those of you who are resistant to most of those ideas, but open to the hallucinogens, here are the links to the first 3 chapters. Note: Take the hallucinogens first.

This chapter is the longest, so there are many yuks, laughs, giggles, and guffaws that didn’t make it into these excepts. Take it from me … my side is still split from laughing so hard. Very messy and inconvenient though. Anyway, here we go with some Chapter 4 excerpts.

Chapter Four – The Announcements, August, 2019

From the beginning, Ray had planned to declare his candidacy over the 4th of July weekend. He thought that would be darn patriotic and fit in well with the rest of the festivities in Okawana. Even before Iowa legalized fireworks back in 2017, the townfolk’s been gathering in the grove of trees by the diner on the 4^th for a little town picnic and games. My favorite game was to see whose pet looked most like their owner. Wanda Bixley’s bulldog, Brutus, won most years I can recall. Oh, there was one year when that nerdy writer fella who bought the Pike’s old farmhouse as a quiet place to write his big, fancy novel came to the picnic. Someone nominated the fella’s goldfish since that writer had a sorta fish face with thick glasses that made his eyes look bulgy. Who knows if the guy even had a goldfish, but you can be sure that goldfish won and the writer never came back. Brutus was back to winning the next year even though Wanda was wearing her hair long at the time.

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Deer Me

September 2, 2019September 2, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

I took a walk this weekend and passed this trio on the other side of the road.

I was planning to write that I don’t think I will ever get used to sharing our neighborhood with other large, brown mammals. However, I realized that is now the motto for the Republican Party these days.

Mite Be Funny #132 – Special Multi-Panel Republican Primary Edition

September 1, 2019August 30, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

August 28, 2019August 27, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

The Amazon is burning. The “lungs” of our planet are dying. I already sense less oxygen in our air. I’m planning to somehow get my hands on an asthma inhaler so I can suck in more air and oxygen than you can. Am I a bad guy?

And yet, this past weekend, while the Amazon is on fire, I defoliated our back yard.

Shouldn’t I be planting trees rather than tearing them out? Am I a bad guy?

I feel the need to do something positive to turn this situation around. I think a good first step is to stop pulling weeds.

Danish Dreams

August 22, 2019August 21, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

If I was the PM of Denmark, I know what I would do. I would politely reschedule Donald Trump’s visit to Denmark to another time. If Trump needs assurance that purchasing Greenland is on the table to be discussed, I would give him that assurance. Then, a couple weeks before his visit, I would offer to buy the US Virgin Islands back from the USA. By the way, Denmark sold the islands to the US in 1917. I would insist that the potential purchase of the US Virgin Islands be on the table for discussion, or the meeting must be postponed.

I was initially going to use Puerto Rico rather than the US Virgin Islands in the above scenario, but I’m afraid Trump would sell Puerto Rico to Denmark or anyone who offers to buy it.

I also have some random Danish thoughts …

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New Record in New Hampshire?

August 16, 2019August 16, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

Trump rallied yesterday in New Hampshire. That surprised me. I just took it for granite that NH was a solid blue state. Get it? Took it for granite? NH is the Granite State. Gawd, I hate having to explain my bad jokes. Anyway, Trump seemed to think it was a great success …

Sounds like a lot of people. But then I saw this pic …

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Three – The Issues

August 16, 2019August 15, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Another month, another chapter. If you need to catch up, here are links to Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Despite adjusting my medications, I put more words down on paper to create a Chapter 3, this time about campaign issues. Gee, that sounds dry. It was difficult to write about serious issues in a light-hearted way. I’m not sure I succeeded. Regardless, here are some excerpts from a raw, unedited third chapter about issues facing us today.

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Pick Your Poison

August 6, 2019August 6, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

Many of the views espoused by these bumper stickers are arguments used by pro-gun people.

I choose this option …

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August 5, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

Trump overcame tremendous soreness after his golf weekend to address the nation today and blame the internet, social media, video games, and mental illness on mass shootings. He made it clear that it definitely is not a gun problem. Ban Assault Weapons!

August 5, 2019August 4, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

August 4, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

Do you think Donald Trump understands or cares about the irony if he goes through with his plans to shoot 18 today at his Bedminster golf club?

Mite Be Funny #128 – Special Mite NOT Be Funny Mass Shooting Edition

August 4, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan

My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Two – The Debates

July 22, 2019July 21, 2019 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

Well, after publishing excerpts from chapter one, nobody stepped up and told me to stop writing this nonsense. You only have yourselves to blame for the following excerpts from the campaign diary called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President.

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