Important Number Actually Not Social or Secure
Tag: comedy
Cash Pipe
Another Trump Bestseller
Business Tripping
I just returned from a very successful business trip. I know, you are asking yourself skeptically, “How successful could this moron possibly be?” Don’t think I can’t hear you. Maybe I just landed the Acme Conglomerated Industries, Inc. account …
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Devin Intervention
Breaking News …
Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Devin Nunes, dismissed revelations that he briefed Donald Trump on new intelligence information regarding the Russian surveillance investigation before the information was even provided to his own intelligence committee. When confronted by our crack investigative team, Nunes clarified his position for us. “Look, this is no big deal. I play no favorites. When I get some new intelligence about Trump, I tell Trump. When I get some new intelligence about Putin, I tell Putin.”
Ainsley Outed!
I swear I was NOT watching Fox & Friends this morning purposely. I didn’t even realize it was on one of the televisions in the workout room in the hotel where I was staying. I was already into my treadmill run when I noticed it was on. When I run, I am barely able to continuously put one foot in front of the other. There was absolutely no way that I would be able to pause the treadmill, get off the treadmill, change the channel, get back on the treadmill, start the treadmill, and continue running. That was just not going to happen. Somewhere between pausing the treadmill and getting back on, I would end up sitting on the weight bench eating a candy bar, despite not even having a candy bar in my possession. So I plodded on while the blithering idiots on Fox & Friends blathered on.
They were discussing ancestry and exploring one’s heritage through DNA analysis. When thinking of the Fox & Friends hosts’ ancestry, this image flashed through my mind …
If a Trump tweet has spelling errors, it must be authentic, right?
Prayers Are Answered
Brush-etta Anyone?
I checked the refrigerator to see what leftovers are available for lunch today …
I am not sure what is going on, but definitely not looking forward to lunch today.
Mite Be Funny #2
Cooking Up a Better Budget
It appears that Meals on Wheels and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting may survive the new Trump budget plan, although in a new form. Both were originally identified as programs to have federal funding completely eliminated. Due to some creative thinking by leaders in both programs, it looks like they will merge and receive funding for the new …
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Please call me by my full new name …
I was just appointed to fill the open position of Democratic Precinct Committeeman in the Township and Precinct of St. Charles 8. I was somewhat surprised since I was still awaiting to be scheduled for an interview for the position when this certificate arrived in the mail. Definitely no extreme vetting, but definitely suitable for extreme framing.
I am not sure how long I will serve in this capacity. It is an electable position, but if anyone would run against me in the next election, I will gladly allow them to run unopposed, although I can’t promise I won’t run a bit of a smear campaign first. I’ve always wanted to. I’m really just helping out until someone else wants to do it. I am honored to serve, and thrilled with having an official title. I see former politicians interviewed on CNN, and have noticed that long after they are no longer in office, they are still referred to by their former title …
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Governor Jones
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Senator Smith
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President Bush
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Democratic Precinct Committeeman in the Township and Precinct of St. Charles 8 Flanigan?
If this is my title for life, I may want to acronymize it a bit …
DPCITTAPOSC8 Flanigan. Yeah, that’s got a certain ring to it.
Trump Takes a Chancellor
BREAKING NEWS …
In his meeting today with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Donald Trump showed incredible restraint and presidentialosity.
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Hispanic Panic
This Post is a Real Page Turner
I was very disappointed to see this sign outside of my youngest child’s elementary school because I believe in excellence in education …
Refining the Defining
You’re Fired & Wiretapped!
Today Donald Trump clarified his claim of being “wiretapped” by President Obama by expanding the definition of wiretapping to include Obama watching Trump on The Apprentice.
Trump Going Country
Senate Dems Raise Trump Cabinet IQ
Donald Trump should be thanking rather than verbally spanking Senate Democrats. Several of Trump’s confirmed Cabinet members actually have lower IQ’s than the empty Cabinet seats they filled. By delaying confirmation of the remaining Trump Cabinet nominees, Senate Democrats may be helping keep the average IQ of Trump’s Cabinet higher than if all seats were filled. Betsy DeVos, the only Cabinet member with an IQ in negative double digits, was available for comment, but unable to utter an intelligible sentence.
Mite Be Funny #1
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 