A Spiritual Triple-Header Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

We made it to church yesterday … late. Very late. But I considered it a success once I saw people coming in after us. Those heathens! Am I a bad guy?

After we got settled in church, my wife pointed out that there was to be not one, not two, but FIVE baptisms at the service yesterday. They take so long. I immediately wanted to leave. Am I a bad guy?

Finally, on our way out, I took a donut hole and my daughter took a whole donut, but I was too lazy/cheap to put a dollar in the jar. Am I a bad guy?

A Halloween Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

In our neighborhood, houses with kids get booed around Halloween time. Not like jeered, but a package of gooodies is left for the kid(s) in the house. Then the recipient is supposed to “boo” two more homes. Yes, it does reek of a pyramid scheme, and despite my annual calls, the FBI and SEC have both turned blind eyes to this grifting.

Anyway, our youngest started high school this year, so we did not expect to be booed. But then the pail of goodies arrived. Sigh! Can’t our neighbors keep track of how old my kids are? My wife put the sign on our door that we didn’t expect to have to use this year.

But then, I had an idea. I kind of like what we received in the pail of goodies. Who’s going to know if we don’t “boo” anyone? And if I remove the “been booed” sign from our door, might we get booed another time or two and collect even more goodies?

Am I a bad guy?

A Feline Laundry Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

I like to try and help out around the house when I can. If I see the remnants of a bowl of soup on the kitchen table, I’ll grab the spoon and rinse it off. If I see a pen sticking out from under the desk that it’s fallen from, I’ll kick it all the way under. If I see that the garbage can is full, I’ll let my wife know. I’m that type of guy.

My wife is fostering 5 kittens that are not yet litter-trained, so it’s been a challenge keeping up with all the smelly laundry. Consequently, when I saw a stinky laundry basket on the floor …

Well, how was I supposed to know that this load was hand wash only and air dry?

Am I a bad guy?

Editor’s Note: No kittens were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Op/Ed Piece on … Am I a Bad Guy?

It was probably easy for readers to shout “Yes!” the last time I asked the question “Am I a bad guy?” I get it. I wanted my wife to not take in 3 week old homeless kittens found abandoned in a cardboard box in a parking lot so that I wouldn’t have to wipe down the shower after taking one. And the gif I used for the post was disturbing at best.

Well, just to put your minds at ease, here’s a quick video taken in my living room.

Cute, huh? And just the perfect size and weight for one of my favorite hobbies.

Am I a bad guy?

A Feline Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

I had strategically snuck in to take a shower before my wife did today. Why was it strategic? Because if I shower first, immediately before my wife, then I don’t have to squeegee down the shower walls and door. That could give me 1 or 2 minutes extra time during the day to waste.

My wife was waiting for a call back from the local animal shelter. She mentioned something about kittens needing a foster home as I headed toward the shower. When I got out of the shower without wiping down the walls or door, my wife told me that she was headed to the animal shelter to pick-up 5 kittens to foster for a week or two. No, she would not be taking a shower. I looked back at the shower where water slowly dripped down the walls and glass door. As I reentered the shower and grabbed the squeegee (not a euphemism), I wanted to tell my wife that I was allergic to homeless kittens (good name for a band) and that she should cancel with the animal shelter. Am I a bad guy?

A Canine Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

Our poodle was diagnosed with a double ear infection yesterday. My wife says she’s a standard poodle, but she sure looks like a toy poodle to me.

Get it?

Anyway, the veterinarian put (undoubtedly expensive) medicine in her ears after plucking her ear hair. I should be grateful that our dog is on the way to recovery and focus on making her comfortable. However, all I do is wish I could get a double ear infection so that someone can pluck my ear hair for me.

Am I a bad guy?

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

Editor’s Note: I don’t have editorial access to change the title, but I can add a revised title below.

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy Moron?

Editor’s Note: That’s better. Read on.

The other day, I received two financial rewards in the mail. One was a check for over $9000 from a customer paying their invoice from my small business. The other was a $50 Visa gift card as payment for my participation in one of my market research taste tests. I know the financial ramifications of receiving that $9000 check are better for my family, but I was more excited about the $50 Visa gift card. Am I a bad guy?

Editor’s Note: Let’s change that last line to match the revised title.

Am I a bad guy moron?

Editor’s Note: That’s better, and YES!

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

People must think I am a considerate driver. When I come to an intersection with other cars, I often wave the other cars to go ahead of me, even if it should rightly be my turn. But I don’t do it to be a considerate driver. I do it because it gives me an incredible feeling of complete and ultimate control over the other cars and their drivers, like I’m dictating their actions and bending them to my will with a casual wave of my hand. I determine when they come and when they go. They have absolutely no control. It kind of makes me feel all powerful, and dare I say godlike or at least giant handlike like this …

Am I a bad guy?

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

COVID is over, at least if you shop by us. Now that the indoor mask mandate has been rescinded in Illinois, us masked folks are in the minority now walking around inside stores. I’m conflicted. I know wearing masks is uncomfortable for people, but since we’ve been masking these past 2 years, I have been extremely healthy. Even though I am a well-conditioned (Editor’s Note: False) athlete (Editor’s Note: False) who competes (Editor’s Note: Rarely) at a highly competitive level (Editor’s Note: Very False), I have historically suffered from respiratory illnesses almost like clockwork every winter. Well, not the last two masked winters. I guess I can keep on masking, but there’s also one other issue.

There is a large store by us where I can get a little shopping done while also doing my business banking. And it is so large that I can get a nice long walk in if I walk the inside perimeter of the store a couple times which I do in the cold weather for a change of pace. With everyone masked in the store, I never worried about letting loose with a bit of gas from time to time as the need arose while walking. The ambient noise level in those stores is generally high enough that any toot less than a real cheek flapper is normally not noticeable. And with everyone masked, nobody could smell any of my rippers. It was perfect, but now that masks are gone, people’s olfactory systems are on high alert again.

So, I want the mask mandate reinstated, basically so I don’t get sick and can walk around stores healthy and farting. Am I a bad guy?

Twice as Bad Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

The other day, I added air to my wife’s car’s tires using an air compressor that plugs into the car’s 12V power outlet. The use of the compressor plus the cold weather overnight was enough to drain the car’s battery, and my wife was unable to start her car the next morning. After driving her to work, I used a trickle charger on the battery and got it back to full strength.

Yes, I admit I drained the battery. But I do want credit for:

  • Inflating the tires.
  • Driving her to work.
  • Charging her battery.

Am I a bad guy?

And now on to my Spotify dilemma …

Continue reading “Twice as Bad Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?”

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

I have started a new “career” doing market research studies for cash. So far, I have finished a Medicare study that was not only profitable, but provided me useful information. Next week, I am scheduled for some product taste testing. Yum!

As I review and apply for opportunities, I spotted these two.

Now that’s a lot of money. After seeing those, I can’t help but feel jealous of those with lung cancer and hospitalized with COVID. Am I a bad guy?

A Holiday Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

As I was out Christmas shopping last night, I noticed emergency vehicles at a restaurant in the shopping mall area.

Rather than hope and pray that anyone being tended to by emergency services is going to be okay, I immediately want to eat at the restaurant in case the food is so rich and so delicious that it caused a heart attack. Am I a bad guy?