Place: Jeb! Bush Campaign Headquarters
Jeb to Campaign Staff: “How is it possible that I am now polling at 4%?”
Campaign Staff: “Stuff happens.”
Jeb Stumps Staff
Category: Political
Republicans Plan New Debate Format
With the number of Republican Presidential Primary Candidates not declining as quickly as expected, the Republican National Committee is considering a change in their debate format. The current format of an overloaded main debate among candidates leading in the polls as well as a “kiddie-table” debate among those candidates at the bottom of the polls has proven cumbersome at best. Continue reading “Republicans Plan New Debate Format”
Mike Huckabee Suggests Future Cabinet Nominees
Mike Huckabee gave America a glimpse of his future Cabinet if elected President when he suggested anti-gay marriage Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis and her husband as possible nominees for Secretary of Health & Human Services and Secretary of Agriculture, respectively. America responded by doing its best to “unsee” that picture of the future.
Rick Perry Volunteers to Secure Borders in Advance of Papal Visit to USA
After withdrawing from the Republican presidential primary, former Texas Governor Rick Perry discovered that he didn’t have much on his plate anymore except waiting around for the felony charge pending against him to work it’s way through the court system. With a visit from Pope coming up, Perry decided to pitch in to get Texas ready for the Papal visit. The Pope is not scheduled to visit Texas, and Rick Perry aims to keep it that way. He’s lending a hand with inflatable fencing to ring the state with the goal to keep the Pontiff out.
“If the Pope sees the greatness of the state of Texas, he may just choose to settle here … illegally,” Perry suggested. He continued, “I mean, where he lives is full of Italians and he’s Hispanic. Why wouldn’t he choose Texas?”
When asked about the effectiveness of an inflatable fence, Perry replied, “He’s an older man, so these inflatable fences should be a cost-effective way to keep the Pope out, unless he brings his Vatican Guard to help storm the border.” Mr. Perry declined to comment on the likelihood that the Pope would fly into a Texas airport rather than walking or driving the Popemobile across the border.
President Obama Looks Past Presidency with GMC Deal
While not confirmed by the White House, it appears that President Obama is preparing for life after the Presidency by inking a deal with car and truck manufacturer GMC. President Obama recently bypassed Congress and renamed Alaska’s Mount McKinley as Denali prior to his planned trip to Alaska. While visiting Alaska, the President responded to questions about the name change for the highest peak in the USA. “Alaska is a state of unimaginable beauty, like the interior of a GMC Acadia Denali crossover that Michelle and I find to be so comfortable to ride in when we go out for a night on the town. The Alaskan countryside is also rugged and strong, like a GMC Sierra Denali truck that is great for hauling materials for my weekend projects without sacrificing the comfort and luxury that we’ve come to expect from the Denali package. But President McKinley wouldn’t know about any of that, having never visited Alaska or driven any quality GMC vehicle with the premium Denali package.”
Jeb! 2016 Takes On New Look
With the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina in the news, former President George W. Bush has been back in the national spotlight. In an effort to further distance himself from his brother’s presidential failures like Katrina response, Republican Presidential candidate Jeb Bush has rolled out a new campaign logo.
Bush’s original logo has been criticized for not mentioning the Bush family name. Critics have wondered aloud if Jeb Bush is ashamed of the Bush legacy. With his new logo, the Jeb Bush campaign appears to be seeking a level of independence and anonymity heretofore never attempted in a Presidential election.
The Bush campaign rolled out the new logo at a campaign stop in New Hampshire leaving voters a bit puzzled. The new Jeb Bush campaign logo definitely makes it clear that Jeb Bush is his own man, but the question is “which man?” One local at the campaign stop remarked, “There are so many candidates in the election, anyone not named Donald Trump had better have an actual name.” When reached for comment, Donald Trump uncharacteristically could only offer, “?”
Trump Unveils New Plan for Illegal Immigrants to Stay in USA
On the campaign trail today at a Misogynist Club luncheon in Cedar Hills, Iowa, Donald Trump unveiled a radical new plan that will allow illegal immigrants to stay in the USA while also helping keep our border secure.
Continue reading “Trump Unveils New Plan for Illegal Immigrants to Stay in USA”
Venus Trump Trap
I am hearing more and more people theorize that Donald Trump is actually a Democratic plant. I find that characterization to be very unfair to plants.
Bernie Sanders says “No” to Hillary becoming a Republican
The policies and positions of Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders are the only things pulling Hillary back to a centrist-enough position that she will not be able to become the 18th candidate in the Republican primary.
Republican Primary Frogs
I have frogs in my pond. I think they are Republican Primary Frogs.
You can see 2 very visibly in the picture, but there are actually 3 more hiding in the reeds! I’m not sure how they got into my pond. I don’t want them in my pond, but they just showed up anyway. The nearest body of water is about a half mile away. It took some effort to get to my pond without an invitation. Yes, they are entertaining at times, but they are also kind of hard to get rid of at the end of the season. I have to drain the pond and haul them away to a place where they can safely overwinter. Even after doing that, the next spring I still pull a dead one or two from the pond that just couldn’t stay away.
On top of all that, how am I sure that they are Republican Primary Frogs? Despite their large numbers, only one is black.
Finally, A Candidate With a Plan for US Troops
Mike Huckabee is trying to distance himself from the other Republican candidates with a specific plan for US Armed Forces and maybe even the FBI. Sure, he may go after ISIS and certainly Iran is on his radar. But there is another enemy …
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 