
Author: Jim Flanigan
Travel Ban 2.0 Baggage
Breaking News …
Team Trump has clarified some details on the new Travel Ban 2.0. Please note, this is NOT a Muslim ban, as it seeks to restrict the freedoms of ALL darker-skinned travelers, regardless of religion.
First, travelers carrying these specific identifying carry-on items will be exempt from the additional security restrictions imposed by Travel Ban 2.0 and will be allowed free access in and out of the USA …
The Plot Sickens
Breaking News …
Republican healthcare plan to replace Obamacare will include a cemetery plot.
Ban the Brown
Breaking News …
Team Trump has clarified that Trump’s new Executive Order Travel Ban is not specifically a Muslim ban, but a ban on any darker-skinned travelers, especially the ones with accents or “suspicious” names.
By the way, has anyone noticed that “Travel Ban” sounds like Taliban? Coincidence? I hear buy call for a full investigation due to rhyming an Executive Order with a terrorist organization.
Halfway to Nowhere
I met half my running goal yesterday. I have an upcoming 5K run (3.1 miles) hanging over my head like the Sword of Damocles thanks to my 8 year old daughter as part of her Girls on the Run program. In 2 months, she will participate in a 5K Fun Run, and is required to have a running buddy. Never mind that her oldest sister was routinely running 5 miles last year. Never mind that another sister and brother were high school track stars receiving All-State honors and college track scholarship offers. Pay no attention to those other runners in the family since old dad drew the short straw and is officially her running buddy. Yay?
I finished a 1.55 mile training run yesterday, so I have another 2 months to double that distance by Fun Run day. At this point in my life, running that additional 1.55 miles seems to me like asking me to run to the moon on a path of flaming, broken glass that has sharp teeth that bite at my feet while I carry a hippo on my back. No wait, that’s no hippo, that’s an ass. My fat ass. As a former distance runner and triathlete, getting even halfway to 5K has been a humbling experience. Not only was I once an athlete, but I even collected some awards from races over the years, mostly from the awards table when nobody was looking.
This 5K Fun Run actually should not be as daunting as it appears to me. I was actually in pretty decent shape late last year, until …
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Trump Reveals Obama Cat-astrophe!

Saturday Morning’s Alright for Fighting
“The time for small thinking is over. The time for trivial fights is behind us.” – Donald Trump in his recent address to Congress.
And then this morning …

Tweets, Taps & Ties, Oh My!
The Hirsute Orange Turd that the American Electorate left steaming on the lawn of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue just dropped a serious tweetstorm onto former President Obama …
Trump Droning On
Breaking News …
Donald Trump orders drone strikes against the NY Times and Washington Post.
whitestmaninamerica@aol.com
I don’t know if Mike Pence broke any actual laws by using an unsecured AOL email address as governor of Indiana. Actually, I’m pretty impressed. I mean, in a state like Indiana where chances are you will marry a cousin, AOL is pretty cutting edge technology.
Well, it looks like he has learned his lesson, and from now on, the emails he receives at whitestmaninamerica@aol.com will be much more secure in the future.
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Resigned to Confirmation or Confirmed for Resignation?

Breaking BREAKING NEWS
Due to excessive use over the past 6 weeks, the CNN “BREAKING NEWS” chyron at the bottom of the screen has broken. The “R” and “E” in BREAKING have burned out and need to be replaced.
Although this is definitely not BAKING NEWS, Jeff Sessions is certainly feeling the heat.
Nyet
Breaking News …
In an effort to simplify the Russian investigation, Democrats now want to know if anyone in the Trump administration has NOT had contact with the Russians.
Orange Is The New Syndrome
I had a routine physical yesterday, but it was hardly routine as I was reminded of the harsh reality that I will live the rest of my life with …
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Lincoln Reacts to Trump Quoting Him

Devoid DeVos

Irish I Was Jewish

Healthcare is Hard
“I have to tell you, it’s an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.” – Donald Trump in a speech yesterday.
Nope, nobody on earth considered healthcare a complex issue, but after being told that it is, NOW WE DO. On this healthcare issue, Trump reminds me of the college student who doesn’t go to class all semester, but shows up for the final exam, and finds it to be difficult. Yes, that college student may have been me and the reason for the recurring dreams several decades later.
Trump is supposed to reveal details of his healthcare plan today when he addresses Congress. I expect it to be short on details, if any exist at all considering this “surprising” complexity of the whole healthcare issue. I would not be surprised if the basics of his plan could be summed up in this manner …

Thanks to Dr. Nick for putting it in a language even Trump can understand.
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This is going great.

Republicans Endorse Independent Investigation
Congressional Republicans have overwhelmingly endorsed the appointment of an independent counsel and the initiation of a bipartisan congressional committee investigation into who gave Warren Beatty the wrong card for Best Picture.

















