Yeah, I know I wrote about not finding any volunteer jobs available at the DNC this week befitting a man of my ilk. And then I did, thanks to friends who were diligently looking for similar volunteer opportunities rather than griping about it through some random humor blog. I somehow missed a great job that was described to me by a guy who traveled all the way from Philadelphia to volunteer. He drove delegates around in a golf cart in cavernous McCormick Place as they caucused. Who doesn’t like driving a golf cart? I’m sorry I missed that gig.
But volunteering at the United Center moved me to try the CTA Blue Line elevated train which stops close to the UC. Ew, public transportation, right? It was immaculate!
It looked better than I did as I put forth a strained smile while struggling to take this selfie.
It’s at least moderately better than the other pic I took that my wife described as a DUI mug shot.
I was assigned to Access Control, aka Security. It was probably my skills with the nunchucks that got me that job.
I was stationed on what they called the VVIP (very, very important people) and Media level. Take a left for the VVIP section down a posh hallway scented with lavender and a right for Media leading to a dingy, uncarpeted area with a faint smell of cheap booze and perfume intermingling. I spent a little time in the VVIP area, hoping to run into Democrat mega-donor George Soros who conservative media claims owes me a lot of money for being a Democrat and doing volunteer work. Before lots of big shots arrived, I was moved to Media. It was at that point, I stopped caring. What difference does it make if Media is breached? Will the world stop turning if Tucker Carlson is roughed up by an interloper?
Most of the people were cool about showing their credentials. As I checked credentials of one guy, I looked up to see it was former Fox and current CNN talking head Chris Wallace. He was super cool about it as I waved him on after a light pat down. I would later bond with Chris as he searched for a rest room. Rather than sending him downstairs into the rabble, I directed him to use a bathroom in a suite that was vacant at that moment. He proceeded to ask me if I had used a suite. Well, thank you for your interest in my bathroom habits, and yes, I had used one. He was quite appreciative, although I told him just #1 and no #2. One former Meet the Press anchor was less cool as he breezed past a couple times without a look anywhere else except inward. Credentials? He don’t need no stinkin’ credentials.
The big surprise for me was how nice Michael Cohen was. Just a genuinely friendly person. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. Talk about a wrestling turn from heel to babyface. Quite a gentleman.
From where I was stationed outside Media, I was able to see both John Legend and Stevie Wonder rehearse for their musical performances last night. Sure, I had to leave my post and enter a suite for a good view, but again, it was only Media I was protecting.
I hoped to walk around a bit on the main level as my credentials did give me Hall access.
But once my shift was over, my credentials were pulled faster than Kamala Harris was annointed President Biden’s successor. That was fine. At least I got to keep the t-shirt. Back to a slightly dirtier Blue Line train heading toward home after a very interesting day at the DNC.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 