Jesus Visits the Second City

Chicago is a world-class metropolitan area, despite New York snobs looking down upon us as “The Second City.” I feel privileged to have lived in various suburbs within a short car ride of Chicago my whole life. One of the suburbs I haven’t lived in is Forest Park. It is close to Chicago as you can see here …

Forest Park

Although I have never lived there, it appears that Jesus does. Take a look …

Jesus News

That’s the story as reported by I am happy to have Jesus in Chicago’s Greater Metropolitan Area. It could come in handy, especially if the pandemic creates a wine shortage. We have plenty of water nearby, so Jesus could make with the water-to-wine miracle reprise. But I do have questions:

  1. If Jesus has indeed returned, will he really need to brush teeth?
  2. Why does he need a knife for protection? Maybe he’s still pretty touchy over the whole crucifixion thing.

Alright, that’s it. Wait, what’s that? You want to know about the glitter penises ejected? Okay, here’s the rest of that story.

Glitter Penises

Should that be penises or peni? Anyway, nobody was harmed or satisfied as a result of the penises. I’m sure this was a hard story to report. I know it really got my blood flowing. The story wasn’t too long, which may be why the climax wasn’t more satisfying.

Chicago may be The Second City in some ways, but at this moment, we are #1 in Jesuses (or should that be Jesi?) and Glitter Peni.




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