My brother-in-law came over to my house this last weekend to emasculate me. No, not purposely, and not literally, but definitely figuratively. He’s a great guy that actually donated a kidney to another one of my brother-in-laws. We definitely wanted him to come over. He is a retired carpenter that we have hired to do many manly carpentry-based jobs over the years. Now, we wanted him to install a floor in our family room. That’s where my emasculation comes in.
It’s not like I couldn’t install the floor in our family room. I just didn’t want to. I installed our basement floor by myself. It worked out okay, although I do encourage people to avoid walking on the floor. I prepped our family room floor by removing carpet, padding, trim, staples, and old leveling compound from the floor. I added new leveler and sanded as needed. I did a lot of demo and prep work, but that is nothing compared to laying floor planks down. That’s real man’s work, and I would not be doing it. Let my emasculation begin!
Even worse, I would have to hang around the house to ‘assist’ my brother-in-law in various ways. I imagined some of them to include:
- Get him beverages.
- Get him snacks.
- Bring him tools.
- Be embarrassed when he asks to borrow a tool from me that I should have because I’m a guy, but don’t.
- Say how nice his handiwork looks.
But no, no, no. That didn’t happen, thanks to this beauty …
That bad boy is a hammer drill, a tool I didn’t know even existed. Emasculation rising. We needed one since I overlooked some spots where the floor’s underlayment was not held securely to the cement slab. More emasculation. So my bro-in-law sends me to the hardware store to rent a hammer drill and buy drill bits and tapcon screws. I was as prepared heading there to rent & buy manly products as Donald Trump was heading to any of his “summits.” My emasculation level was skyrocketing, close to red-lining with sirens blaring as I hit the home improvement store. Somehow, I managed to bring the correct products home. Emasculation waning. Emasculation averted … for the moment.
But I was going to then have to watch my bro-in-law use that bad boy hammer drill, so emasculation warning lights never stopped flashing. And then, he threw me a bone. I could use the hammer drill. Fifty holes and screws drilled into wood and cement later, I was feeling pretty darn good and manly. But, I did say “fifty.” That’s right, I missed fifty spots where the underlayment needed to be fastened to the cement slab more securely. Yikes. Emasculation overload.
But the hammer drill experience was worth it. The floor went down fine, and early on our puppy gave it her approval.
Yes, she is wearing a diaper due to being in heat. Yes, I do change her diaper.
I am afraid that any progress I made using a hammer drill to avoid emasculation just went out the window when I admitted I change my poodle puppy’s diaper.