Panic Hoarding Time

As COVID cases, hospitalizations, and deaths soar in the USA, rumors fly about another shutdown looming. People are flocking to the stores to stock-up on necessities. My wife was one of them this past weekend, and she came home with this.

I know what you’re thinking – ew, right? Although that’s a real pic according to snopes.com, I’m just joking about my wife buying them. We much prefer the bone-in pork rectums. And inverted? Gross. We only use … outverted … extroverted … verted? I’m not sure, but certainly not inverted.

We’re not panicking. I may head to the store to grab a couple more things, but I plan to be very chill about it, like this very good boy.

I Was a Coronavirus Zombie

Schools are closed. Bars and restaurants are supposed to close at the end of business today. Hey, what about restaurants that are open 24/7? Do they have to abide by the ban if they don’t close today? Food and paper products are in short supply. I know my family is debating if they should eat me now while I am still fat in order to conserve the rest of the food in the house.

I took matters into my own hands last night at 10PM as I went out to feed. Just to clarify, I pretty much self-quarrantine every winter after dark. Last night I felt like I had been turned into a coronavirus zombie, going out after dark to feed when there would be no lines. Oops, I was an hour early. It turns out that many others had the same idea around 10PM. I kept to myself, huddled in a fetal position on a barren shelf in the canned vegetable aisle next to a solitary can of okra until the crowd cleared a bit by 11PM.

This is one of the first sights that greeted me when I walked in …

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