Jindahl Drops From Race
Tag: primary
Martin O’Malley’s Powers of Invisibility
Martin O’Malley Found in Time for Democratic Debate
Jeb Bush Finds Answers to Slide in Polls
Chris Christie Finds Strength to Finish Republican Primary Debate
Jeb Bush Prepares for Trump Onslaught at Debate
Trump Demands More at Debate
The third Republican primary debate will be shorter this time, truncated to two hours due to demands from candidates Donald Trump and Ben Carson. Perhaps they believe that if the debate goes longer like the previous ones that they will eventually say something so stupid that it will deter voters, but that has not happened so far. I mean the voter determent, not the saying something stupid part which has been constant during this primary race. Continue reading “Trump Demands More at Debate”
Halloween Comes Early to Colorado
Minor Republican Debate Promises to be Stimulating
Once again, the upcoming Republican candidate debate will be preceded by a debate among the candidates that didn’t make the cut for the main debate. Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki and Lindsey Graham will meet in the junior debate before the ten top candidates debate. In an effort to generate interest, any interest, in the undercard debate, the four candidates have agreed to change the format of the debate to a strip poker game during which they will casually debate the issues. This format was only approved under the condition that NJ Governor Chris Christie not be allowed to participate under any circumstances.
Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central
Comedy Central can’t wait for Dr. Ben Carson to drop from the Republican primary race. A source inside Comedy Central has revealed that the network has signed Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson to star in a Comedy Central show that is currently being developed for him. Continue reading “Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central”
Lincoln Chafee Quits Race
Lincoln Chafee announced he is leaving the Democratic presidential primary race. Twitter and facebook responded by not blowing up.
When reached for comment, both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders asked, “Who?” Martin O’Malley, missing since he announced his candidacy, could not be located for comment.
Benghazi Hearings Infuriate Jim Webb
The House Benghazi committee hearings with Hillary Clinton are infuriating former Democratic presidential candidate Jim Webb. Webb was angered at receiving about 50% of the speaking time Hillary Clinton enjoyed during the first Democratic debate, prompting him to quit the Democratic primary race and ponder a run as an Independent. “It’s just not fair. If Hillary gets questioned about Benghazi, then I want my chance and equal time to be questioned about Benghazi,” ranted Webb.
Find Martin O’Malley
Jim Webb to Go Independent
Reports are that Democratic presidential candidate Jim Webb has decided to drop from the Democratic primary race. The seemingly angriest Democratic candidate is reportedly pondering a future solo role either as an independent presidential candidate or as a lone gunman.
First Democratic Debate Rocks Polls
In the wake of the first debate between the Democratic primary candidates, the polls reflect some significant changes and a new contender. Not too much changed at the top as Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders still lead the polls. Clinton polls extremely well with those wearing pants suits, getting approval from over 95% of that demographic. Sanders earned high marks from the “no original teeth” demographic, especially in the Northern states. Those in that demographic polled did complain that the debate was on too late, it conflicted with Matlock reruns, and the mashed potatoes at dinner were too lumpy. Sanders did not do so well in the “no original teeth” demographic in the South where that demographic cuts across all age groups.
Koch Brothers Support Carly Fiorina
Although not directly funding the Carly Fiorina campaign yet, the conservative billionaire Koch Brothers have started throwing support Carly Fiorina’s way. As the Koch Brothers continue to explore which Republican candidate to support since their first choice Scott Walker has left the primary race, they have made an initial overture of support to Carly Fiorina. As a first step, the Koch Brothers have made arrangements to pay for the plastic surgery necessary to smooth Ms. Fiorina’s chin cellulite.
Reportedly, the Koch Brothers are attracted to Fiorina’s ability to ignore facts and create her own reality, the same trait that drew them to Scott Walker.
Dick Cheney Plants Kiss of Death on Kevin McCarthy
On Wednesday evening, October 7th, Dick Cheney endorsed House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy for Speaker of the House. Cheney’s endorsement was straightforward, “As a man of the House and a former member of the House leadership, I know that Kevin McCarthy is the person we need as Speaker in these dangerous and important times.” (To read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2015/10/dick-cheney-kevin-mccarthy-214545#ixzz3nzsf1385)
Today, Thursday October 8th, less than 1 day after receiving Cheney’s endorsement, Kevin McCarthy held a press conference to remove himself from consideration as House Speaker.
Now I could stop there and let you enjoy the irony. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself. I really can’t top that ironic sequence of events with a punchline, but my legion of fans (now having grown into the mid single digits) has come to expect me to at least make a jokey effort, so here we go …
Republican leadership wants Donald Trump out of the primary race. Their course is now clear. Get Dick Cheney to endorse Donald Trump.
Jeb Stumps Staff
Place: Jeb! Bush Campaign Headquarters
Jeb to Campaign Staff: “How is it possible that I am now polling at 4%?”
Campaign Staff: “Stuff happens.”
Republicans Plan New Debate Format
With the number of Republican Presidential Primary Candidates not declining as quickly as expected, the Republican National Committee is considering a change in their debate format. The current format of an overloaded main debate among candidates leading in the polls as well as a “kiddie-table” debate among those candidates at the bottom of the polls has proven cumbersome at best. Continue reading “Republicans Plan New Debate Format”
Rick Perry Volunteers to Secure Borders in Advance of Papal Visit to USA
After withdrawing from the Republican presidential primary, former Texas Governor Rick Perry discovered that he didn’t have much on his plate anymore except waiting around for the felony charge pending against him to work it’s way through the court system. With a visit from Pope coming up, Perry decided to pitch in to get Texas ready for the Papal visit. The Pope is not scheduled to visit Texas, and Rick Perry aims to keep it that way. He’s lending a hand with inflatable fencing to ring the state with the goal to keep the Pontiff out.
“If the Pope sees the greatness of the state of Texas, he may just choose to settle here … illegally,” Perry suggested. He continued, “I mean, where he lives is full of Italians and he’s Hispanic. Why wouldn’t he choose Texas?”
When asked about the effectiveness of an inflatable fence, Perry replied, “He’s an older man, so these inflatable fences should be a cost-effective way to keep the Pope out, unless he brings his Vatican Guard to help storm the border.” Mr. Perry declined to comment on the likelihood that the Pope would fly into a Texas airport rather than walking or driving the Popemobile across the border.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 