Tag: health

Reasons Not to Blog

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

It’s been almost 3 months since my last post. You’re welcome. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time without my nonsense. Besides subjecting you to fewer bad jokes in your life, I feel I have other equally important reasons to not have blogged for quite a while.

I was desperately trying to semi-retire, but it was more difficult and time-consuming to wrap up a career and clean up the loose ends of my company of 17 years than I thought it would be. It is finally all wrapped up neatly, and I now substitute teach a little to support my numerous habits and vices.

Oh, there was also an election that we won’t speak about much. It’s a shame really, because Dems locally scored some big wins. Anyway, I found myself spending a lot of time walking and biking neighborhoods passing out political literature. And then I was required to allocate some time to get signatures to get on the ballot for the local municipal election in April.

But I’m burying the lead. It really was a deadly illness that preempted my blogging.

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A Cure for a Symptom of the Cure

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Mental health is no laughing matter, same as this blog most of the time. I had no idea that mental health medications caused uncontrollable movements called tardive dyskinesia. I know, easy for me to say. I was fascinated watching the following commercial that offered a medication to control the symptoms of tardive dyskinesia caused by the mental health meds. Why did I find it so fascinating? Well, this medication clearly causes yet another problem as shown in this commercial that nobody is talking about.

Oh, sure, this new med can cause the usual depression, suicidal thoughts, irregular heartbeat, and … abnormal movements? Isn’t that what it is supposed to cure?

But for me, the biggest problem is that apparently you have to walk around everywhere with a mustard yellow cup in your hand all the time. Will there then be another medication that allows you to put the cup down? A cure for a symptom of the cure for a symptom of a cure for the illness? Late on a Friday night, there’s only one Cure I care about.

Back & Worse Than Ever

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

I took some time away from writing this blog to do some writing (ironic, right?) and get some issues sorted with my life moving forward. One of those issues is a recurrence of cancer. Sure, I know you’re thinking, “It’s probably only skin cancer.” And it is, smarty-pants. In fact, it’s the least dangerous and least respected skin cancer – basal cell carcinoma. However, per cancer.net, about 2000 people in the US annually die from non-melanoma cancers. If left untreated for a really, really long time, basal cell can spread to bones, lymph nodes, etc. and do damage or cause death.

I face two excisions coming up starting with one next week. Both will be on my face, leaving even more scars after my numerous surgeries. I fear I will eventually end up looking like William Dafoe in Poor Things.

At least Emma Stone’s character called Dafoe’s character God in the movie, and he had good hair. I don’t see either of those things happening in my life. But there is some good news.

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Just Another Saturday

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Yesterday started as a Saturday like any other Saturday … until I woke up. My wife had been replaced by our 50 lb. poodle who was hogging most of the bed. The reason?

Yes, Kevin, a sub-10 lb. Shih-Tzu arrived on Friday and terrorized my wife and youngest daughter all night while I snoozed blissfully unaware. Here’s Kevin in action during the day.

That went on much of Friday and apparently into the night. I can’t confirm the latter. Zzzz.

That chaos continued on Saturday. Somehow, I snuck off on the pretense of biking to the bank and came home with this surprise. WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.

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I Need to Nose More About This

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

I must know, is this normal?

Asking for a friend.

Happy Fat Tuesday!

~ Jim Flanigan

Today marks the end of Mardi Gras in New Orleans with Fat Tuesday. No more throwing beads with intent to damage sunglasses.

And no more boobs being unleashed upon the world.

How did I know it was Fat Tuesday? Easy. It’s a Tuesday in winter, and I stepped on a scale.

Exactly. I need to do something about my winter weight. The alternative is to join the Fat Tuesday festivities with my growing moobs. I think I’m up to a B cup.

False Spring Payback

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 4 Comments

The last two days in Chicagoland have been amazing with partly sunny skies and temps over 54F/12C each day out by us. Yeah, they had wild thunderstorms two nights ago in Chicago, but I live 40 miles west where we got but a sprinkle. It’s been great.

But we are a fatalistic lot here in the Midwest. We believe that we will pay for enjoying a false spring in early February. We have history and facts on our side. The year my oldest daughter was born on the 5th of February saw a mild winter … until after she was born. Then is snowed and snowed through March.

However, while the false spring was around, I did what millions of others in greater Chicagoland did and headed outside … in shorts. Two days ago, I amazingly took my second bike ride in February on a normally unnavigable trail so early in the year. It is usually slop until May. But two days ago, it was relatively free of snow and muck. I was having a great time, although my out-of-biking-shape legs protested mightily. I had the trail to myself, and I was comfortable in shorts and a sweatshirt in early February. Glorious. And then, I received some payback for enjoying myself so early in the year. This happened …

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My Medical Dilemma

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I continued to stick to my New Year’s resolution of trying something new or unusual each week. Last week, I got my first colonoscopy. That was not my medical dilemma though. I was a bit overdue for a colonoscopy, and it turned out to not be the horrible experience I expected. I had a nice pleasant buzz on for about 30 minutes after coming out from under anesthesia.

They didn’t find any obvious cancer, but they did remove two hopefully benign polyps that were just so darn cute. They looked like little colon nipples.

I can’t wait to get them back and proudly display them in a jar on our fireplace mantle. I even picked out names for the two polyps. What do you think of these names?

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I survived 2 Mageddons

~ Jim Flanigan

The past week was rough. First, we had Snowmageddon a week ago. I paid the price physically. Those 3 days of heavy snow and subsequent back-breaking snow removal were followed by 3 days of Coldmageddon. I paid the price mentally on those cold days. The 3 days of Coldmageddon were not the coldest Chicagoland has ever seen, but they were brutal, down to -16F/-26.7C overnight. Highs during the day were subzero F and around -18C. Cold enough that the train track fires had to be lit to keep the switches working.

And then we had a bit more snow and a bit more cold to finish out the week. We’re coming out of it now, and I look forward to days above freezing this next week.

I checked on fellow Chicagolanders to see how they were mentally coping with Coldmageddon. Here’s a Chicagoan who hit the beach.

I do love to swim, but that seemed a bit extreme to me. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the pool. I settled for doing this each day …

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An Ironic Pain in my Butt

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I am waaaaaay overdue for a colonoscopy. You could say I’m a bit behind.

I even have a dear friend who had colon cancer. You would think that’s enough incentive to get checked. Oh, sure, I pooped in a box and mailed it in. Then I found out that there are places that will actually check it for signs of colon cancer, so I changed where I had been mailing my poop. All clear for cancer. But that was a few years ago, and that test is supposedly not as effective as a colonoscopy.

Researchers have been working on a blood sample test as a replacement for a colonoscopy. I have some good news and bad news to share.

The good news is that I have been accepted into a clinical trial for the colorectal cancer blood sample screening test. Yay! They even will pay me a little cash every time they draw blood. Double yay!

But there is some bad news with an ironic twist. After they take my blood sample, then I have to get a standard colonoscopy that I was hoping to avoid. Irony is going to be a pain in my butt after all.

The Road to Vampirism is a Slippery Slope

~ Jim Flanigan

It was nothing I worried about … until now. My body temperature has been dropping. The “experts” write that it’s normal.

For the full “scientific” article from Stanford “Medicine,” link HERE. For those of you reading in distant, faraway, backward nations like Wakanda and Atlantis that still use the antiquated Celsius temperature scale, the Stanford “doctor’s” “research” shows the normal body temp has dropped from 37C to 36.6C. Well, welcome to my world.

For a while now, my body temperature has been trending lower. It was not unusual for my temperature to register 97.1F/36.2C. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice a fever when I had COVID. I may have had a fever for me that was less than whatever “normal” temp is considered today. But when I donated plasma yesterday for a meningitis clinical trial, I did not expect this …

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RIP, Beloved New Winter Character

~ Jim Flanigan

Well, it didn’t take long for rot to overwhelm the potentially-annually-lovable Pumpkinman from my last post. Shortly after I took the one and only pic of Pumpkinman (at least I have a picture), rot exerted its mighty will and took Pumpkinman down and sent me into mourning yesterday.

I haven’t cried like I did since Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer got hit by a car. I hate it when you can see the bones sticking out. I should have known. Rot is unstoppable. I’m a perfect example. Did you know that each day after a pumpkin is harvested is equal to one human year? That’s a fascinating stat that I just made up.

Maybe next year we’ll have a new Pumpkinman to photograph, love, cherish, and take to swanky events and soirees as my Plus 1. But for now, I can only ponder the inevitable question.

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Who Wants to Monitor Their Bladder?

~ Jim Flanigan

I received an email about an online study for pet owners. I sometimes get an opportunity to do these studies and earn a few bucks if they find me to be a match. I answer a few survey questions and hope they contact me. I clicked on the link they sent, and saw that they found me to be not just a match, but a good match. Sure, I completed the pet survey, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of this other study.

Why am I a good match outside of wanting up to $1000 and an in-home nurse? I guess I could learn how to become incontinent, or I could just wait a few more years. And I don’t think I would mind wearing a monitor with a discreet meter like this.

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A Medical Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan

On Monday, I went to my appointment for a clinical trial regarding meningitis. No, I don’t have meningitis. No, they aren’t giving me meningitis. No, I am not taking a drug for meningitis. They are taking my clean, healthy (2 words not usually associated with me) blood plasma for use in studying how to combat meningitis. You’re welcome, world. Actually, I don’t need your gratitude, because they’re paying me for my pristine blood plasma.

After taking my temperature (normal), blood pressure (122/68), and checking my hemoglobin (super high … is that good?), they asked me about any recent antibiotic use. Well, yes, during my bout with COVID. That disqualified me. I was miffed. Why didn’t they ask me about antibiotic use over the phone when they scheduled me? I was being sent home with all my blood plasma intact.

Then my disposition turned sunny again when I was told that I would still get paid! And I can go back in December to donate and get paid again. At that point, I knew what I need to do. I must get my hands on some antibiotics and take them right before my December visit, so I don’t have to actually donate my plasma but still get paid. Am I a bad guy?

Senses Working Undertime

~ Jim Flanigan

It was only this past week that I finally tested negative for COVID. I didn’t feel even close to myself until a day or two ago. A lot changed for me during COVID. Besides feeling like a truck hit me each day, everything seemed to be just a bit off. I’m still full of phlegm and must clear my throat hundreds of times per day. That has gotten really awkward. People stop talking as they think I’m trying to interrupt and inject myself into the conversation. I have nothing to say. And my poops? Well, they were just weird during COVID. ‘Nuff said, possibly too much. Just about everything was off.

I will admit that I did not lose my senses of taste and smell during COVID. However, much to my chagrin, it appears that I may have lost my senses of decorum (note poop comment above) and humor (note this blog post). I am especially sad about losing my sense of humor, and have commenced taking steps to regain at least partial use of that sense.

My first step was to go back to my comedic roots. I thought that perhaps I can relearn how to be funny once again. So, I took a trip to my alma mater.

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COVID Mystery Solved!

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Where would I have picked-up COVID? Sure, my wife and youngest daughter had been sick, but they tested negative for COVID. I hadn’t been anywhere special to the best of my memory, but I am experiencing the famed COVID fog, so I wasn’t 100% sure. As for other COVID symptoms, they are rough, especially for an older guy like me. I’m grateful for genetics, my general good health, and previous COVID vaccinations. Oh, and I don’t want to forget the wonder drugs available to treat COVID symptoms. Neigh, I’m not horsing around and talking about Ivermectin with bleach chasers. I’m referring to wonderful COVID antiviral treatments like Paxlovid which I am currently taking.

Of course, with Paxlovid, you have to take the good with the bad, like side effects such as loss of taste and smell. My wife asked me today if I’ve lost my smell, but no, I haven’t. I smell as bad as usual. Another side effect is a metallic taste, and that I definitely have. I feel like a James Bond villian.

But the mystery gnawed at me like a diseased rat gnawing at a young waif’s leg.

Where could I have picked-up COVID?

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New Music for Old Rockers – A Superhero’s Decision

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

The pantheon of greatest male rock voices which includes such names as Presley, Orbison, Plant, Perry, Daltrey, and Mercury may someday need to make room for Chicago’s own Wes Leavins. Leavins is the lead vocalist for local band Brigitte Calls Me Baby. Take a listen to “Impressively Average” and I think you will hear vocals that are impressively well above average and trending toward outstanding.

I had a great opportunity to see Brigitte Calls Me Baby this week at the Bottom Lounge in Chicago opening for the UK’s The Last Dinner Party. I seem to recall a free ticket giveaway from radio station @93XRT. I declined to enter. I know I could have talked my oldest son into attending the concert with me. Tickets were priced at under $20 each. But I never asked my son or purchased even one ticket. It turns out that those were quite fortuitous decisions.

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An Eye for an Aye

~ Jim Flanigan

I have an eye condition. It takes a lot for me to go see a doctor, but I did for this one. I’ve been seeing things in my right eye. Floaters, indistinct shapes, sometimes insurance salesmen. The latter terrifies me. I’m used to hearing things and actually enjoy the conversations I have with the voices in my head. But what am I supposed to do with the visions? See a doctor, I guess.

Well, that turned out to be an unpleasant visit. The supposed retinal specialist poked and prodded my eyes with his fingers and finally declared my retina was not detached after I promised to pay my bill within 30 days. If my retina wasn’t detached before the exam, it may be detached now. I’m supposed to “give it time and hope it clears up.” I was doing that quite well before I paid to see a doctor.

I was most disappointed that I did not get an eye patch. I had a job interview coming up, and I thought an eye patch would help me get the job. Now, what kind of a job would that be?

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I Finished an Octathlon Today

~ Jim Flanigan

That’s right. No mamby-pamby triathloning for me. I went for the big 8-leg octathlon this morning during Day 1 under the heat dome. It turns out the weather forecast showing extreme heat was correct. We have 6 straight days of heat coming. For Day 1, I decided to cool off in the water for 1 leg of an octathlon.

But first, I had to get to the water, so off on my bike I went. It was mostly downhill, so I made it to the pond in under 4 minutes. Leg 1 completed in record time.

Then I had to navigate the hill descent. It’s weedy, tricky, and slippery. First time I tried it, I fell and punctured my hand on a stick. Today it was not an issue. I finished Leg 2 and stripped down to swim trunks for the swimming leg.

My wife called where I’ve been swimming an illegal pond.

Illegal sounds so unseemly. I prefer to consider it a private pond where there isn’t a “No Swimming” sign posted. It’s cold in the deep water which tells me that it is spring fed. There is no algae covering the surface. It is full of frogs and fish but not weeds. It is hidden from any prying eyes. Perfect! Just to be safe, I don’t submerge my face. But I did swim for 30 minutes to complete Leg 3.

Leg 4 required my ascent back up this hill.

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Intermittent Feasting

~ Jim Flanigan

It was two years ago that I set the dieting and weight loss world on fire with news of my revolutionary Intermittent FATSing diet plan. You can click the link for full details. Unfortunately, the tears I shed from what I discovered was unsustainable weight loss put the fire out. I think the problem was that I did it too intermittently. If only I had named it Continual FATSing.

But I’m back with a new twist. I have combined the concepts of Intermittent Fasting with Unbridled Gorging to invent Intermittent Feasting (trademark applied for). I don’t start eating until 10AM, although I do allow myself water or a cup of unsweetened tea. How do I make it until 10AM if I am up at 6AM? Well, there’s a lot of biting my fingernails going on. Did you know that one fingernail can be chewed for up to one hour before losing its flavor? Oh, and I started smoking.

Anyway, after 10AM, I put on the feedbag for a day of eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m basically ravenous. As the old saying goes in upper crust society …

That’s where the feasting comes in. I eat anything and everything in sight for the next ten hours until 8PM. And it is working. I’m losing weight. I think I know the secret why.

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