Is it petty of me to be happy about the weather being slightly crappy this weekend for Trump’s stay in Bedminster, NJ?
I hope so.
Bad in Bed(minster)
Tag: comedy
Unplanned Parenthood
The healthcare bill passed by House Republicans yesterday will defund Planned Parenthood as just one of its many heinous actions. I find it ironic that Republicans want the federal government to pull out of funding Planned Parenthood which is exactly the kind of contraception that millions of Americans would have to go back to without Planned Parenthood.
Whip It Good
Spin This
Rewriting History
BREAKING NEWS …
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos prepped Donald Trump for his comments today on Andrew Jackson and the Civil War.
BROKEN NEWS …
Betsy DeVos is currently trying to reach out to Frederick Douglass to assist with damage control after Trump commented today on Andrew Jackson and the Civil War.
Un Thing Leads to Another
People are surprised when Donald Trump said today that he would be honored to meet North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m not. There are no Trump properties developed in North Korea, so the market is wide open for hotel, casino and golf resort development. Trump Tower Pyongyang perhaps? Of course he wants to buddy up with Kim Jong Un. And who knows, maybe bankruptcy laws are even more lenient in North Korea than in the USA?
I just hope that Trump isn’t too disappointed when he finds out that this 27 year old North Korean leader named “Kim” isn’t a hot chick. I guess there’s no telling if Trump and Un will ever meet, but we know they at least will be in the same room this fall when they both travel to attend the World Dictator’s Conference in Monte Carlo.
Being Nosey
In honor of Chicago having two first place baseball teams, I am pleased to present my latest tale of personal misfortune and misery with a baseball theme.
WARNING: Graphic Images follow that may be upsetting to younger or more sensitive readers. (Knowing my followers and readers, that should get some views.)
Continue reading “Being Nosey”
Mite Be Funny #8
Scratching the Surface of Success
Desperate for a huge win in his first 100 days in office, Donald Trump has decided to play tens of thousands of dollars worth of scratch-off lottery tickets on this, his 100th day. Trump has been sending Sean Spicer on lottery ticket runs to every convenient store in the greater DC area. Back at the White House, Kellyanne Conway is putting her nails to good use scratching off the tickets, 10 at a time. So far, Trump’s strategy is working and he is up $134 at the time of this writing, which does make this project one of Trump’s biggest successes in his first 100 days.
Shutdown is Shot Down
I’m a little disappointed that Congress has voted to avert a government shutdown for at least another week. I’ve loathed watching how this country has dysfunctionally lurched and lumbered through the first 100 days of Trump’s administration and a Republican Congress, so I was eager to see if the absence of government would maybe make America great again. Alas, we’ll have to wait another week. Oh well, at least Trump was able to finally pass one major piece of legislation … keeping the government funded for one more week. Congrats! Not quite FDR’s New Deal, but the biggest legislative win for Trump to date. Yay?
Rex Sleeps One Over on the UN
BREAKING NEWS …
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson addressed the United Nations regarding North Korea in a somnambulistic monotone, rendering discussion on the floor impossible and allowing a UN resolution for the USA to use whatever means deemed necessary against North Korea to pass with a 1-0 vote.
Another Trump Win in Round 1
Trump Refuses Aid to Europe?
Boaring!
I spotted this article with link below from Newsweek about wild boars killing ISIS fighters.
http://www.newsweek.com/isis-fighters-iraq-killed-wild-boars-ambush-civilians-589816
Back in September, Trump hinted that he would have a great plan to defeat ISIS …
“When I do come up with a plan that I like and that perhaps agrees with mine, or maybe doesn’t, I may love what the generals come back with. I have a plan, but I don’t want to ― look, I have a very substantial chance of winning, make America great again. We’re going to make America great again. I have a substantial chance of winning. If I win, I don’t want to broadcast to the enemy exactly what my plan is. Let me tell you, if I like maybe a combination of my plan or the generals’ plan, if I like their plan, I’m not going to call you up and say, we have a great plan.”
Thanks to Trump once again for a wonderful word salad. If you can make any sense at all of that, it sounds kinda’ top secret, doesn’t it? Maybe even a bit “boaring” perhaps? Oh yeah, Trump has a plan to defeat ISIS. Some may call it a bit “boaring,” but it sounds plenty wild to me.
I really wish the first part of this embellished tweet wasn’t real …
Bigly Remarks
Cage Match This Time?
It looks like Donald Trump is leaning on his WWE wrestling background to issue via a couple tweets what I interpret as a challenge to an election rematch considering he lost the popular vote by over 3 million votes.
Decisions, Decisions
I am somewhat surprised that I am this far along in this project and have not yet decided whether I am expanding the pond or disposing of the body.
I tried that joke on my wife with disturbing results.
Continue reading “Decisions, Decisions”
Come Run With Me For New Experiences
While running over the weekend, I burped so hard that spittle flew out of my mouth. I usually associate that with sneezing, but never burping. Was that my first ever snurp?
Mite Be Funny #7
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 