Flash Fiction Failure

I enjoyed the NYC Midnight 100 word flash fiction challenge last year, so I decided to give it a go again this year. I just didn’t want to be assigned the horror genre like I was last year. Of course, you can be sure I was assigned horror along with using the action of tracing something in the story and the word lite. All in 100 words. My goal this year was to make it past the first round. I did not. Here are some of the reasons the judges did not like my story.

• If you were to create a creepier tone to start with, I think it would better flow into the reveal.
• Having so much dialogue in such a short story started to take away from what you were able to do, and meant the narrative and characters felt a little unformed.
• The dialogue was a liiiittle bit tacky.

Well, it wasn’t all bad news, but there wasn’t enough good news to get past the first round. Here’s all 98 words of “A Drinking Problem” that I wrote in 24 hours for the contest.

A Drinking Problem

“Don’t stop,” he implored as he arched his shirtless torso up toward her.

Sitting astride him, she mocked, “You smell like cheap lite beer from that pathetic bar where I found you.” Her finger slowly traced lines up and down his neck. “I can free you from ever again drinking that swill.”

“Sure, whatever you think is best for me,” he replied through a haze of inebriation and sexual anticipation. “Alcohol need never pass your lips again,” she declared before her fangs penetrated his exposed neck as he softly whimpered in acquiescence to an eternity of life undead.

Reading it now, I would definitely make some changes. But there were some positive comments from the judges.

• The reveal at the end of this story worked really well, transforming an already toxic sexual encounter to something even more horrific, and which I didn’t see coming – it was a fun take on the prompt incorporating the vampire myth.
• I think that the strongest parts of your story are your hook and your conclusion. They bookend the story nicely by introducing the sexual tension and ending with the consequences of giving himself to the antagonist.
• I also really enjoyed how it linked to the title you chose and gave it multiple meanings for the reader to unpick.
• The intimacy and the chemistry really works and creates this electric atmosphere between your two characters. They are both focused on using each other for their own pleasure – just not in the same ways. You really capture a brief but compelling moment in time. 

Will I try again next year? Doubtful. It is fun and very challenging to write a 100 word story in 24 hours. But what am I left with? It’s not a story I will use in the future, unless I want to expand it into a full-blown soft porn vampire story. With me, you never know.