A Musical Tribute to RFK, Jr.

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Yeah, the whole “a parasitic worm ate part of my brain” story was pretty weird coming from Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. So, let’s celebrate it with music. The internet told me that RFK, Jr. received an honorary doctorate degree from a college in Florida, which means we can call him …

Sadly, the internet was wrong!

Internet wrong? That usually never happens. But in 1999, Florida Southern College gave RFK, Jr. a citation, not an honorary degree.

A citation for what? Jaywalking? Still, that’s good enough for me to call him Dr. Worm. It’s kind of ironic though. He has railed against the COVID vaccine and most other vaccines. Anyone up for polio? So, what’s the alternative for the COVID vaccines? Here’s what RFK Jr. has suggested.

Continue reading “A Musical Tribute to RFK, Jr.” →

Milestone Made

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

When I wrote my last post, I had no idea that it was my 2500th post until after I published it. I guess that’s somewhat of a milestone unless you discount all the dumb posts, memes, and cartoons. If I just count what I would consider legitimate posts, I’m at 37. I’m not sure if this one will count as #38.

I do find it ironic that my 2500th post was titled “Write Weird.” I started writing this blog to practice writing, and now I’m encouraging others to write weird. How about writing well? That’s kind of a foreign concept for me. Or, is it?

I submitted more micro-fiction to a curatedmicrofiction.com prompt that I blogged about. Rather than loading my 300 words with dad jokes, fart references, and invented words like last time, I decided to change tack.

Continue reading “Milestone Made” →

Write Weird

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Last year, I submitted a vampire story to Weird Little Worlds Press for their Playlist of the Damned anthology. They didn’t like my story enough to select it. They were right. It can be better. I’m rewriting it for possible use later, although a rewrite by me may not necessarily make the story better.

It’s time to write weird again. Weird Little Worlds Press has a new anthology they are putting together, and they want new authors. Hey, that could be you or me. The problem is that we only have until the end of this month to submit a story. So, start writing weird. We have no time to lose if we want to place a story in their anthology.

If that’s too soon for you to write 500 to 5,000 words without a specific prompt, try this one instead.

Continue reading “Write Weird” →

A Prime Post

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

I’m doing some repairs and painting an old decrepit shed in the back of our property. I anticipate the neighborhood newsletter will feature this headline.

Old Decrepit Man Paints Old Decrepit Shed

Anyway, I needed some help choosing a primer, so took this brochure from the local home improvement store.

I think they missed a great opportunity when designing that piece.

Continue reading “A Prime Post” →

Whatever Happened to Journalistic Integrity?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

That blog post title may seem odd coming from me, but I think I have a legit reason to ask that question in light of a story that supposedly broke yesterday. Here’s one of the many headlines I have seen.

The full story can be accessed by clicking this link. Other news stories I have read even go so far as mentioning a dangerous “sarcophagas.” Hmm, now where have I heard that invented word before? Oh, right, in my award-winning micro-fiction story. Yes, I broke a deadly sarcophagas story two days prior to all the other stories published yesterday. I knew I should have trademarked that word. It’s true that these other stories contain more supposed “scientific facts,” but I will remind you that mine is the only award-winning story.

I have reached out to numerous attorneys to see if I can pursue any legal action against these media hacks with their copycat stories. Unfortunately, the only attorneys interested in representing me are busy defending Trump in various trials.

As a last recourse, I consulted noted Egyptologist Dr. Steven Martin to see if he could provide guidance. His advice follows.

Continue reading “Whatever Happened to Journalistic Integrity?” →

An Unexpected Award

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

In a recent post, I promised (threatened?) to share my 300-word micro-fiction short story with you that was comprised of dad jokes, a fart reference, and an invented word. I planned on copying and pasting the story here, but I don’t have to do that now. I received an email stating, “Your story ‘The Sarcopha Guys’ has been recognized by our curation team as exceptional in your category.” Exceptional? Me? What category, fart fiction?

I figured I had an outside chance for one of the $5 awards, but now my comfortable retirement is assured after securing a $60 award. Anyway, enough complaining about winning something. It’s time to share it with the world, regardless of the world’s recalcitrance toward reading it.

Click HERE to link to the page showing the weird prompt and my story that you can then click on to read. After the minute it takes you to read 300 words and ten minutes it takes you to stop guffawing, then click HERE to go to the current challenge. Pick a prompt and start writing. I think the first submission is free. Let’s see if some real writing can challenge my fart fiction. Yes, I do have a story planned in the Humor category. That’s another tough prompt, but somehow I have a story concepted about a librarian that involves flinging mashed potatoes. I think I really need to seek professional therapy.

Scabbers?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Of course, Scabbers is the obvious name choice. That was the name of Ron Weasley’s rat in the Harry Potter series, and the first name that came to my mind. For what, you ask? Well, yesterday was the 4 week anniversary of my second bike accident of the cycling season before the season had even begun. You can click that link in the previous sentence to see my bloody leg, but I don’t necessarily recommend that. Suffice to say that it was a bloody mess. I recall at the time seeing blood pulsing out of one of the wounds and thinking, “I may want to get that one stitched up.” An urgent care location was on the way home, but I didn’t stop there. I cycled home, washed it off, and bandaged it. It oozed and bled for 2 more days. And the end result is a scab that is 4 weeks old yesterday. Happy birthday! Don’t worry, I will not post a picture. In the book Blogging for Dummies, the authors clearly warn against posting scab pics as 93% of readers will move on to non-scab-related blogs.

But I will post names I’m considering for it. I think after hanging on for 4 weeks with no end in sight, it deserves one. I have ruled out Scabbers as too trendy. Even though the Harry Potter movie series started over 20 years ago, a recent NY Times poll found that over 76% of all people with bloody limbs still name their healing wounds Scabbers. For that reason, I’m pondering other names.

If it’s a boy, I like Scabraham Lincoln as a strong historical name. It has lost some diameter over the weeks, so I could name it Li’l Scabner after the old cartoon. If I want to show how open and welcoming I am to all races and religions, maybe Scabdul deserves consideration.

I want to choose a pretty name if it is a girl. Maybe Scabagail, although I am afraid that others would call her Scabby as a nickname. Thinking of the old Bewitched TV series, I came up with Scabantha and Scabitha, both of which I like.

I think I have some good options from which to choose, but does anyone know how to identify a scab’s sex?

Rejection Means Someone Read Your Writing

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

And they didn’t like it enough, but at least you had a reader. I tell myself that when I get a submission rejected, which is more often than not. At least this one that just hit my inbox was quite pleasant.

They didn’t technically say that my story was well-crafted, but at least that complimentary hyphenated word was included in the rejection email. So, what do I recommend after rejection?

Continue reading “Rejection Means Someone Read Your Writing” →

I Have PEED

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

It’s not what you’re thinking. I didn’t pee myself, although I have peed and will continue to pee throughout the day into a proper toilet as I write this. However, I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m writing this as I pee. That would be awkward, standing there with laptop in one hand and my dingle in the other. How would I type? Maybe with my nose, but that would surely result in a mess on the floor. And surely Shirley, my wife, would be upset. Suffice to say that I take breaks while writing to go and pee. In retrospect, I should have chosen a different title for this post.

Anyway, I have PEED – Post Ecliptical Experience Depression. I didn’t drive the 2+ hours to get into the center of the recent eclipse‘s path in order to get the full effect, and now I regret it. Friends did, and they tell me it was dark, eerie, and magnificent. I figured that at 93% coverage by me, it would be magnificent enough for someone of my ilk. I remembered the 2017 eclipse being dark and eerie. Maybe it was cloudier that day. Wasn’t it always a bit cloudier when Trump was in office? It was a perfectly sunny day for the eclipse a week ago, and the result of the eclipse out by me is that it got slightly darker and cooler. That’s it. A big nothing. I hate that the Trump eclipse was more memorable to me. Thanks, Obama.

But my PEED has slowly faded as some good things happened over the course of the past week, and I feel I can write again. Here’s what has helped me out of my PEED.

Continue reading “I Have PEED” →

My Eclipse Day is Looking Up Musically

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Today is the day of the big solar eclipse crossing the USA close to me in Chicagoland.

I started to prepare for the eclipse today, but I wondered if I should even bother for a couple reasons. First …

Continue reading “My Eclipse Day is Looking Up Musically” →

Swing and a Miss

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Well, the swinger’s party I was sure I was attending yesterday turned out to be nothing more than a birthday party. With kids! What happened to adults only on the invite? Regardless, I had another opportunity last night for some other adults only fun. I was headed to a concert last night as part of a reciprocal concert attendance agreement that a friend and I hammered out with the help of our attorneys and a board of arbiters.

The way it works is that my friend treats me to a concert that his wife does not want to attend, and then I will treat him to a concert that my wife will not attend. Both our wives are younger than us, so their musical tastes skew more recent.

That may just sound like going to a concert with a friend, but there is a subtle and important difference. The concert chooser pays for both tickets. That way, the concert guest can’t bitch about the price of the ticket to a concert that may not have been their first choice. It’s a good system.

Anyway, this concert promised an adults only time.

That’s right, Don McLean, the American Pie guy, was scheduled to give an adults only show. What did that mean? Lots of profanity? Gratuitous nudity? I saw an elderly Fee Waybill of The Tubes with his shirt off and pants down when they came to town at the end of 2023, and I didn’t want to see a similar show. Instead, we got Don McLean looking like the ghost of Roy Orbison who had eaten a few too many American pies.

Continue reading “Swing and a Miss” →

Spring Break in … St. Louis?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

If you want, I don’t mind you nominating me for FOTY for taking my 15-year-old daughter to St. Louis for a working Spring Break last week. Maybe if I got her a t-shirt like this.

Although I probably want to continue to use that guy’s pic and not mine.

Anyway, I know you’re thinking, “Why didn’t I ever think of taking my family to the murder capital of the USA for some recreation AND forced work over Spring Break?” I can assure you that my daughter did get paid for her time, got to choose the restaurants we ate at, and got a company shirt out of the deal. (And we always felt safe.) She was happy, and that was before we even got to the attractions. First stop? The giant Union Station koi pond! Uh-oh.

Continue reading “Spring Break in … St. Louis?” →

Just Another Saturday

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Yesterday started as a Saturday like any other Saturday … until I woke up. My wife had been replaced by our 50 lb. poodle who was hogging most of the bed. The reason?

Yes, Kevin, a sub-10 lb. Shih-Tzu arrived on Friday and terrorized my wife and youngest daughter all night while I snoozed blissfully unaware. Here’s Kevin in action during the day.

That went on much of Friday and apparently into the night. I can’t confirm the latter. Zzzz.

That chaos continued on Saturday. Somehow, I snuck off on the pretense of biking to the bank and came home with this surprise. WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.

Continue reading “Just Another Saturday” →

I Made a New Friend … Literally

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Working from home by myself has its advantages. There are the frequent naps, unlimited opportunities to beat my personal butter-eating record, and plenty of time to practice good personal hygiene, which I really don’t avail myself of enough. But it does get lonely. Sure, we have 2 dogs, but they tend to either be sleeping or barking their fool heads off at a squirrel out the window and waking me from my third nap of the day. So, I took matters into my own hands and made a new friend, with made as in constructed. Now, every time I use the bathroom, I get to interract with my new friend. I call him Scott.

Isn’t he Charmin’? I’m flushed with success at making a new friend. Scott’s not much on talking, but he’s a great listener. While I’m taking a tinkle, Scott and I catch up on how our days are going. I roll on and on in a steady stream of conversation, and he listens to the very last drop of my news. Scott doesn’t need to say a word about his day. I know he’s spent his day over the toilet staring out the window.

Sometimes I feel bad when I dump all over Scott. I worry he may be too soft for some of the crap I lay on him. But I’m not shitting you when I say that he doesn’t seem to mind. I know that with Scott’s help, I can clean up any mess I may have made that day. That is, unless he gets into the rubbing alcohol under the bathroom sink and winds up three sheets to the wind.

Okay, gotta go. I need to have a talk with Scott about an argument we had. I want to apologize and wipe the slate clean. I need to tell him, “I’m glad urine my life.”

The Science of Writing

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been recently using writing contests to finish short stories. I’ve always got a dozen or so half-finished stories rattling around in my laptop. And yes, that is my hard drive, and I am happy to be writing.

Choosing a half-written story to enter into a contest is a great way to get some closure. I finished two short stories recently to enter into this contest I told you about. They were micro-fiction stories I wrote for an event at a local Chicagland public library. I was invited to write to some paintings as artistic prompts for the event. I wrote two micro-fiction stories and one poem. I liked the two mini-stories enough that I expanded them from micro-fiction to fuller stories, but I left both under 1000 words to fit the contest rules. And really, how much more can I write about talking peaches in one of the stories? I could only enter once, so I chose the talking peach story to enter. Duh! There’s still time for you to submit a story. Under 1000 words. Just sayin’.

Anyway, both stories are now in good shape to include in my next collection of short stories. But my first self-published collection of short stories remains unfinished in my mind. It has been only available in digital form and has never been printed. Well, I am determined that the second edition will be available in print. A writing acquaintance advised me that a print version is vital to the success of a book. So, I am re-editing all 16 stories prior to formatting for a printed second edition, including a fantasy story set in a dystopian future.

In parallel, I stumbled across this contest.

Yes, it is that L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology. Do I still want my fantasy story included in that collection? Yes, please. Take a look at over 2000 reasons.

Continue reading “The Science of Writing” →

Musical Asian Dogs

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

About this time of the year, I’m getting emails about all sorts of summer concert announcements. This one caught my eye.

Not so much for Three Dog Night, but the supergroup Asia sounds interesting. But who is this John Payne? He wasn’t in Asia, was he? And with that question, I found myself down a rabbit hole chasing musical dogs in Asia (featuring John Payne). Come join me.

Continue reading “Musical Asian Dogs” →