Another week, another loss for my family fantasy football team as I am now 0-2 in that league. Last week my team lost as the Hurricane Towels with this logo.
Fortunately, Donald Trump’s visit to the hurricane-ravaged areas in the Carolinas this past week did not include tossing paper towels to the victims. Unfortunately, as he passed out meals, he was caught on video telling one victim to “Have a good time.” Yep, if being flooded and losing everything so that you have to accept meals from a career criminal is your cup of tea, I guess it could be a good time.
Week 3 of fantasy football is upon us, so I turned my attention to SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for inspiration for a new team name. I had considered The KavaNaughties, but I felt that name was a bit too glib, and it trivialized and diminished the seriousness of his alleged felony sexual assault against Dr. Ford. Once again, as a Public Service Message in case Dr. Ford reads this blog (and why wouldn’t she?), I am pleased to mention that there is no statute of limitations for felony sexual assault in the State of Maryland. Just sayin.’
I am happy with the team name I chose that Brett Kavanaugh did inspire.
The title of today’s blog post is a saying and a movie from the great comedian W.C. Fields, and I tested that saying the other day. I opened my car door in a parking lot and accidentally lightly tapped the car next to mine. I had the door in my control at all times and could immediately see that zero damage was done to either vehicle. I could also see the other vehicle was a Cadillac Escalade which I stereo-typically view as driven by a criminal, drug dealer or pimp.
Hmmm, maybe point proved. Anyway, the angry owner jumped out of the car, I assumed (hoped?) to sell me drugs or whatever. However, he insisted I damaged his car. Where? There was no mark. I opened the door again close to his car. Nothing there where the two cars had kissed. He pointed to a spot about half an inch away. I insisted that could not be from my door. He insisted I did not understand the laws of physics. Well, he was right about that, but that did not explain why the spot on his car was white and my car is gray. He insisted I provide my insurance card and driver’s license. I refused.
I’m not a small guy, but this guy was big. He made me look small and old. Well, at least the old part was accurate. And he smoked unfiltered Camel cigarettes. I think that means he can rip me in half, but probably not be able to catch me to try.
I resisted. I have a lot of experience resisting the last year and a half. He threatened to call the police. I told him to go ahead. And then he called my bluff and made the call. Gulp.
Wow, that was quick. In one day, 65 women who knew smarmy SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh back in high school put together this letter and put their names to it.
Names have been omitted to protect the naive.
I am not sure I could locate 65 women from my high school of over 4000 students who even remember me, or would publicly admit to it.
Am I a bad guy or just wildly unpopular in high school?
Of course, I also have not had a woman accuse me of sexual assault either. I am a math-lover, but in this case I would bend the arithmetic rules and admit that 1 > 65.