Tag: sting

RIP, Beloved New Winter Character

~ Jim Flanigan

Well, it didn’t take long for rot to overwhelm the potentially-annually-lovable Pumpkinman from my last post. Shortly after I took the one and only pic of Pumpkinman (at least I have a picture), rot exerted its mighty will and took Pumpkinman down and sent me into mourning yesterday.

I haven’t cried like I did since Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer got hit by a car. I hate it when you can see the bones sticking out. I should have known. Rot is unstoppable. I’m a perfect example. Did you know that each day after a pumpkin is harvested is equal to one human year? That’s a fascinating stat that I just made up.

Maybe next year we’ll have a new Pumpkinman to photograph, love, cherish, and take to swanky events and soirees as my Plus 1. But for now, I can only ponder the inevitable question.

Continue reading “RIP, Beloved New Winter Character” →

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

Yesterday, my wife calmly pointed out a bee/wasp/hornet on her pillow. Like one of Pavlov’s conditioned dogs, I reached for a tissue, gathered the creature in its folds, and took it outside to set it free. I guess technically it was free inside our house, and I was the one who imprisoned it in a tissue, so is that really setting it free? It’s kind of like when Donald Trump signs a heinous Executive Order, chaos ensues, and then he “fixes” the problem by revoking the order, most likely because some circuit court judge ordered him to do so.

Anyway, my wife’s pillow was bee/wasp/hornet-free when she was ready for bed last night. We both slept soundly, with my sounds being mostly snores. That was until I felt a sharp pain in my arm, like a deranged acupuncturist was loose in our bedroom. I groggily reached for the area, grabbed something, threw it on my nightstand, and went back to a fitful sleep. I dreamed I had a stinging pain in my arm the rest of the night. Meanwhile, my wife dreamed she was married to a pain in the neck for the rest of her life.

In the morning, I awoke to this …

Continue reading “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished” →