An Early Surprise Christmas Present

Although I have not recently been writing this blog per yesterday’s post, I was still writing little bits and pieces here and there. I recently received notification that one of my poems is being published in a book. Here’s proof.

It really is no big deal. People put together these anthologies all the time. They need lots of authors to include so they will all buy the book upon publication. That’s at least one sale per author, but likely more. Yes, I bought a copy for my middle daughter for whom the poem’s about. I know, sucker, right?

But this is why it is sort of a big deal to me.

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Reasons Not to Blog

It’s been almost 3 months since my last post. You’re welcome. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time without my nonsense. Besides subjecting you to fewer bad jokes in your life, I feel I have other equally important reasons to not have blogged for quite a while.

I was desperately trying to semi-retire, but it was more difficult and time-consuming to wrap up a career and clean up the loose ends of my company of 17 years than I thought it would be. It is finally all wrapped up neatly, and I now substitute teach a little to support my numerous habits and vices.

Oh, there was also an election that we won’t speak about much. It’s a shame really, because Dems locally scored some big wins. Anyway, I found myself spending a lot of time walking and biking neighborhoods passing out political literature. And then I was required to allocate some time to get signatures to get on the ballot for the local municipal election in April.

But I’m burying the lead. It really was a deadly illness that preempted my blogging.

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Back to Winning Writing

After some recent writing disappointments, I was determined to right write more betterer better. My first baby step toward that goal was a micro-fiction story in the humor category. I was pleased with the story I crafted – funny throughout with a twist at the end. And … drumroll please … success! It was selected for publication. You can click here to read it.

However, it was not awarded as the best humor story. The awarded humor story I did not find very funny throughout. In fact, it made me a bit sad. Sour grapes? Perhaps. I prefer to think that it’s my keen sense of humor that presents a high bar to clear to elicit guffaws from me, or maybe it’s my predeliction for fart jokes. Not one in the “winning” story. But what it did have was a twisty ending I didn’t see coming. Kudos to the awarded writer for that ending. Nicely done. You can click here to read the awarded story.

I am quite pleased with my story’s picture, created by AI. I continue to mess around with AI in the hope that I can compensate for my lack of natural intelligence.

My Recent Writing Roller Coaster

I’m working harder than ever to shed work responsibilities as I try to retire, so I can write more. Why? I’m not so sure anymore after getting emails like these.

Can we really trust a contest that calls the 2nd quarter of the year the 3rd quarter? Anyway, I was hopeful of seeing my name among the over 300 listed on the winner’s blog as finalists, honorable mentions, and suspected internet scammers. Nope, unless I forgot that I used my pen name of Seymour Butts.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, this happened.

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Pico De Abomination

I went to my garden to pick some tomatoes and other vegetables to make some fresh pico de gallo. This is the abomination I discovered.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have planted the garden over the spot I used to dump lead paint, car batteries, and spent plutonium rods. But did I use it to make this pico de gallo?

I’ll never tell, but I will share. Interested?

My Time at the DNC

Yeah, I know I wrote about not finding any volunteer jobs available at the DNC this week befitting a man of my ilk. And then I did, thanks to friends who were diligently looking for similar volunteer opportunities rather than griping about it through some random humor blog. I somehow missed a great job that was described to me by a guy who traveled all the way from Philadelphia to volunteer. He drove delegates around in a golf cart in cavernous McCormick Place as they caucused. Who doesn’t like driving a golf cart? I’m sorry I missed that gig.

But volunteering at the United Center moved me to try the CTA Blue Line elevated train which stops close to the UC. Ew, public transportation, right? It was immaculate!

It looked better than I did as I put forth a strained smile while struggling to take this selfie.

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Unconventional

Fellow Democrats are descending upon Chicago to formally nominate the Kamala Harris/Tim Walz ticket for the election in November. I hear that additionally, despite his service to our nation, Joe Biden will be ceremoniously put on a Greyhound bus out of town. Democrats can be a tough bunch.

I thought it would be fun and interesting to volunteer for the Democratic National Convention as long as it’s in town. I envisioned myself writing jokes for VP Harris to boisterously laugh at. Maybe make some Tik Tok videos of Tim Walz dispensing life hacks about how best to work the breakfast buffet at his hotel. Or, perhaps being the one to drive President Uncle Joe to the bus depot. And amazingly, I passed the security clearance to volunteer!

As I perused the volunteer opportunities, I gravitated toward these.

As a former adult film star, I thought escorting would be a natural for me. But are the Democrats so randy that they need some escort action while in the airports? Can’t they wait to get to their hotels? Anyway, my wife put a stop to this idea. I looked further.

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How To Lose Credibility With Me

I had one very interesting day last week. I braved the alleged most dangerous city in the USA per Fox News, Trump, MAGA, and assorted other clowns to attend a trade show in Chicago. Yes, the same Chicago that recently hosted Lollapalooza with 110,000 people per day packed into Grant Park with ZERO casualties over the 4 festival days. No shootings. No overdoses. No heat-related deaths, and it was hot. The crowd for Chappell Roan was massive.

I wouldn’t be caught dead in a crowd like that, but nobody else was either, because Chicago is safe and a great place to visit or live. I felt safe visiting the trade show as well as a store named Woolly Mammoth where I attempted to sell my human skull.

No, not my own personal skull which I’m still using at times, but a skull I inherited from a former boss when he passed away. I liked it for a while, but then it started making me sad thinking about its original owner. The proprietor of Woolly Mammoth and I talked human skulls for a while, but we were unable to agree on a price. He wasn’t the one that lost credibility with me. He was quite credible and obviously knew his skulls. It was the guy who took my blood at the stop I made just before Woolly Mammoth.

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A Concert Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

I attended my first concert in a kayak last week.

I swear the fluid pooling in the kayak is from the river and not the inevitable result of a long concert. I was part of a floatilla of freeloaders who watched John Fogerty play his hits from his Creedence Clearwater Revival days and his solo career, like this one.

It was a beautiful night to see a concert for free and save 60 bucks, but it led me to consider this ethical conundrum.

When I saw Fogerty was coming to the area to play a venue just 20 minutes away, I knew I would be seeing him. I loved CCR as a young lad. This was the first tour by Fogerty in decades after recently regaining control of his CCR songs. He was visibly joyful to play his CCR hits again. So, shouldn’t I have supported his tour and bought a ticket? Instead, I kayaked offshore and stole a seat to the show.

Am I a bad guy?

A Concert NSFO

Horray, I won free tickets to a concert given by a hip band playing Lollapalooza.

And that’s the end of the good news. This concert is definitely NSFO. What’s that?

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Is Biden’s Decision Bad for US Economy?

Politics aside, some say that Joe Biden’s decision to drop out of the presidential race is hurting the economy. You say you want proof? Oh, I have proof for you.

As a fellow small business owner, I can relate. It hurts when you’ve made a product investment and then see the market change drastically. But as a small business owner who has been in that predicament, I can offer this advice …

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An Affection for Rejection

I don’t mind a good rejection. I think I got used to rejection many years ago while single and dating. As a writer who submits stories for contests, publications, etc., you have to be ready to accept rejection. And what do they always say? If you’re not failing, then you’re not trying. Or, maybe your stories just suck. All the more reason to keep writing to get better.

This recent rejection left me a bit surprised and confused, although that’s a low bar.

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Organic Poetry

I don’t consider myself a good poet. Not at all. I even wrote a poem about how difficult it is for me to write a poem. But this one was different. It flowed organically onto my laptop. Sure, I pecked and poked at it after it was written, but the bones of it were easy and natural for me to write.

The prompt was to write about an experience that changed me or my life for the better. I wrote about adopting our middle daughter. Hers was the second of our three adoptions. Like I stated, the words just flowed onto my screen.

Click HERE to read my poem.

I was pleased when I received word that they chose my poem for publication in an anthology, but I am also pragmatic about it. They need a lot of stories or poems to fill an anthology. I think I am one of about sixty chosen for publication. The more they choose to publish, the more copies they are likely to sell. Yes, I’ll probably be a sucker and buy one for my daughter. Still, it’s nicer to get an invite to a party with the cool kids than not. I’m grateful. I wonder what I should bring. Oh, right, it’s a metaphorical party.

Anyway, my takeaway from this experience is not to force writing. If I do, the result may be a hot mess like my first attempt at a recent micro-fiction prompt. My writing needs to flow like urine from a baby without a diaper on rather than a sad dribble from an old man at a urinal – not to be confused with this sad drivel I used to conclude this post.

Lost is my Predicted Destination

I am leaving this weekend for a few days to holiday at a lake close to the Canadian border. Our destination is a place I vacationed at decades ago when I was a wee lad. I am prepared to have my memories far exceed reality. However, we may never make it there. Here are the instructions once we get close.

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Eight is NOT Enough

Did you know that Mark Hamill played one of the 8 Bradford kids in the TV show Eight is Enough? He left after the pilot to go play some obscure movie character called Luke Skywalker.

But that’s not the 8 I’m writing about. My 8th out of 8 micro-fiction stories submitted to www.curatedmicrofiction.com was selected for publication. You can read it here. It’s not my favorite one I have written. I think I need to escape from the Literary/Creative prompts and get back to my humor roots.

I plan to keep submitting these until my streak is broken, or I find no value in doing them. I currently find them to be a useful exercise in editing. I took a look at the humor prompt for the current challenge and said, “Yuck.” You can read it here. I wasn’t sure where to go with that prompt. This was the first draft of my first idea.

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Biden or ???

I golfed Monday, and I was asked numerous times by others in my foursome whether Joe Biden should be replaced as the Democrat candidate for the presidency. I didn’t have an answer, and quite frankly, no one from my golf foursome should care about my political opinion. Nor should anyone. But now I have clarity.

I hopped on my bike yesterday after work and took off for some berry picking. The black raspberries are almost done for the season. The mock strawberries fruit all summer long. If they do stop, I can always buy regular strawberries and mock them myself. Now is the time to harvest mulberries, and that’s what made up most of my foraging yesterday.

But I also found something else as I foraged that helped me choose my preferred Democrat candidate.

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Concerted Efforts

My summer concert season started last weekend with a fizzle instead of some sizzle. But it rebounded nicely the very next day as I caught a local group calling themselves Classical Blast for 2/3 of their show on my way to a hospital to see a family member who has since been released. Thanks for the cards and flowers you sent. They combine modern music with classical to create delightful versions of songs. Try to follow this one – lyrics from “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails sung to the tune of Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill” mashed up with Adagio for Strings.


I don’t know about you, but the highlight of the video for me is when backward-hat, flamingo-shirt guy makes his appearance and awkwardly tries to lean on the cannon.

This weekend was supposed to be my Rolling Stones concert, but I called an audible to see these guys.

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Winning Writing

I’ve continued my improbable writing winning streak on the curatedmicrofiction.com website. Sure, this latest one from me was not awarded (more money), but it was published which gets me 10 bucks. I kind of knew this one would not be awarded since I chose the Literary/Creative prompt. I think I provided a suitably creative comic twist at the end, but I don’t think it was literary which connotes serious writing to me. The awarded story in the Literary/Creative category was oozing seriosity.

But still, my winning streak of 7 stories continues on. The current prompts are tough. Nothing jumps out at me. But I have a possible idea for a funny story. Unfortunately, it is for the Literary/Creative prompt again. Ugh.

I Survived a Night of Concert Impostors

Because of a family issue, I took the easiest of my 3 concert choices from my last post, and went to see Three Dog Night (hereafter known in this post as 3 Dog Night for brevity, although I realize that I wasted a lot of words explaing this) in concert this weekend. I purposely went late, but unfortunately, I still arrived too early and had to sit through Asia featuring John Payne. You remember Asia, right? They were a supergroup featuring members of Yes, ELP, and King Crimson that hit it big with “Heat of the Moment” and a couple other tunes. Well, that’s not the Asia I saw. When original members started to leave Asia, John Payne came aboard. Eventually, the final original Asia member left to … reform the original Asia with all the founding members, but they gave John Payne the right to continue on with his band as Asia featuring John Payne. And so, the original Asia continues to perform, although they are down to one original member, as well as Asia featuring John Payne. Kudos to you if you can follow that. And by the way, Asia featuring John Payne is bad.

But 3 Dog Night had to be better with a setlist like this from a recent show:

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I’m Done With New Music

I’ve decided to stop chasing new music. I’m old. I can’t keep up with all the new music available. Even my oldest daughter has given up. She remembers (barely) living in a time before streaming music. We were dependent on the radio to expose us to new music from new musical artists. Okay, maybe the local record store might have been playing something new and interesting, but you’d have to talk to the dude behind the counter with the long, greasy hair pulled into a ponytail to find out what it is, and nobody wanted to do that.

My search for new music goes back to the early days of FM radio playing rock music. In Chicago, we were blessed to have an evening progressive rock radio show (although every kind of music was played) called Triad. I would sit next to the console stereo in the living room to listen while my mother frowned. I quickly purchased a receiver and speakers for my private listening studio (my bedroom). Click this link for some Triad history. I saved some of their Triad magazines, but I seem to recall recycling them at some point in my past. My loss.

It was Triad’s loss when WXRT burst onto the Chicago radio scene playing progressive rock, folk, blues, jazz, and even classical. WXRT killed Triad, and over the decades have become a very good corporate radio station, albeit with a narrower playlist these days. They do try to play new music, especially Chicago-based artists, but there’s just no way they can play all the new music around these days and still keep a listening base.

Don’t have access to a recording studio? No worries. Record your new music on your phone in your basement or spare room. Fun fact: Boston’s killer debut album was recorded in a basement, but one that had a makeshift studio. There’s just so much new music now that I am officially giving up trying to follow new artists. For example, take a look at the 2024 Lollapalooza line-up.

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