I have a big day of blogging ahead for me as I reveal the final total of my winter weight gain in a post later today or tonight or tomorrow morning or whenever the hell I find the time to finish it. Stop rushing me! Before I start all my bloggishness, please join me in the National Anthem, as sung by Sailor Sabol at CPAC 2021, the right wing conservative conference, white supremacist meet & greet, and COVID super-spreader event. Feel free to put your hand over your heart, but I suggest you move both hands over your ears about halfway in as this Sailor encounters choppy waters (no relation to Muddy Waters).

Look, I can’t sing, but I am self-aware enough to know that I can’t sing. We’ve all seen those anthem videos when the singer forgets the words. We should have been so fortunate with Sailor. I wondered what key Sailor was singing in. It turns out – all of them.

This is the political party that wraps themselves in the American flag and claims to bleed red, white, and blue. If Republicans are so damn patriotic, get a good singer for the anthem at your events.

By the way, in exchange for the use of that YouTube video in this blog post, I am contractually obligated to mention that Sailor Sabol is available for bookings at weddings, bar and baht mitzvahs, and waterboardings.