My Medical Dilemma

January 29, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I continued to stick to my New Year’s resolution of trying something new or unusual each week. Last week, I got my first colonoscopy. That was not my medical dilemma though. I was a bit overdue for a colonoscopy, and it turned out to not be the horrible experience I expected. I had a nice pleasant buzz on for about 30 minutes after coming out from under anesthesia.

They didn’t find any obvious cancer, but they did remove two hopefully benign polyps that were just so darn cute. They looked like little colon nipples.

I can’t wait to get them back and proudly display them in a jar on our fireplace mantle. I even picked out names for the two polyps. What do you think of these names?

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Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Dyslexia Edition

January 27, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

On today’s @93XRT’s Saturday Morning Flashback show, I was whisked back to 1992 for an absolute gem of a one-hit wonder from Paul Westerberg of The Replacements. Not that The Replacements were one-hit wonders. Great band that actually broke up on stage in Chicago.in 1991 while performing. Anyway, Paul Westerberg has had a successful solo career post-Replacements. But this song … THIS SONG … is pure pop magic and really Westerberg’s only legitimate solo hit. Enjoy the listen and memories, and then I have a very important question to ask about the song.

Really a fun tune, but I think he got the title just a little bit wrong. Shouldn’t this song be titled, “Dyslexic Haert?” And is there a cure?

Another Late Christmas Gift

January 25, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

Yeah, we had 20+ over to our house for Christmas Eve. The house looked quite festive for our guests, nicely decorated thanks to my wife. Except for this alleged Christmas Cactus that is finally in full bloom in late January.

We had no control over this lazy ass plant that is running a month late.

Beautiful? Yes. Christmas cactus? Pffft, no. Whatever happened to truth in advertising? I suspect this means I’ll be writing another letter to the Federal Trade Commission.

I hope I kept the receipt.

And yes, that’s a lot of snow outside in the pic.

Guess Who?

January 22, 2024January 21, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

I sent congratulations via Twitter to a favorite rock star from my childhood. I was a bit surprised when I saw this.

If I told my kids about it, I imagine it would go something like this …

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I survived 2 Mageddons

January 21, 2024January 21, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

The past week was rough. First, we had Snowmageddon a week ago. I paid the price physically. Those 3 days of heavy snow and subsequent back-breaking snow removal were followed by 3 days of Coldmageddon. I paid the price mentally on those cold days. The 3 days of Coldmageddon were not the coldest Chicagoland has ever seen, but they were brutal, down to -16F/-26.7C overnight. Highs during the day were subzero F and around -18C. Cold enough that the train track fires had to be lit to keep the switches working.

It’s so cold in Chicago that officials have set fire to railroad tracks just to keep the Metra trains moving.https://t.co/nddgwXzaU1 pic.twitter.com/33ZSLyOWWW
— WBBM Newsradio (@WBBMNewsradio) January 16, 2024

And then we had a bit more snow and a bit more cold to finish out the week. We’re coming out of it now, and I look forward to days above freezing this next week.

I checked on fellow Chicagolanders to see how they were mentally coping with Coldmageddon. Here’s a Chicagoan who hit the beach.

Cold Water Swimming with George Donald Miller. North Ave Beach, Chicago.

DANGER! Do not attempt without previous cold exposure experience. The Marine unit was also notified before entry. pic.twitter.com/AZokwbJSMU
— Craig Shimala (@cshimala) January 19, 2024

I do love to swim, but that seemed a bit extreme to me. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the pool. I settled for doing this each day …

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I’m Not Going to Space

January 17, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

Why? Well, the word on the street, and in space, is that it smells bad.

Click HERE f or the full article, but this should come as no surprise to anyone. It obviously smells bad because of Uranus.

There’s Snow Place Like Home

January 14, 2024January 14, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I’m not saying we’ve had a lot of snow over the last couple of days, but this is what my snowbrush looks like after clearing my car today.

Not to worry. I found a new/old snowbrush on our garage floor, where many of our possessions go to die or be found and used after being abandoned for years.

But then there’s this snow-related problem I can’t, or I should correctly say that I’m not allowed to, resolve.

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Writing for an Oscar

January 12, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

Do you ever think about one of the novels you have written coming alive on the silver screen with Hollywood elites like Pauly Shore and Lindsay Lohan as the stars and Roseanne Barr in a cameo role as a dumpster fire? What’s that? You haven’t written your novel yet. Well, why the hell not? Write it now. I can vouch for Chicagoland being covered in a thick blanket of snow that won’t be gone until July. There’s nothing else to do but stay inside and write. If you don’t have a novel, maybe you have a novella, short story, or random shapes and pseudo-gibberish scribbled on a napkin. Hollywood is out of ideas these days. As soon as the shooting stops on a film, a remake begins immediately. Your writing is needed.

Well, here’s a screenwriting challenge you may wish to consider.

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An Ironic Pain in my Butt

January 11, 2024January 10, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I am waaaaaay overdue for a colonoscopy. You could say I’m a bit behind.

I even have a dear friend who had colon cancer. You would think that’s enough incentive to get checked. Oh, sure, I pooped in a box and mailed it in. Then I found out that there are places that will actually check it for signs of colon cancer, so I changed where I had been mailing my poop. All clear for cancer. But that was a few years ago, and that test is supposedly not as effective as a colonoscopy.

Researchers have been working on a blood sample test as a replacement for a colonoscopy. I have some good news and bad news to share.

The good news is that I have been accepted into a clinical trial for the colorectal cancer blood sample screening test. Yay! They even will pay me a little cash every time they draw blood. Double yay!

But there is some bad news with an ironic twist. After they take my blood sample, then I have to get a standard colonoscopy that I was hoping to avoid. Irony is going to be a pain in my butt after all.

A Divine Resolution

January 9, 2024January 9, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

I fulfilled my Sunday obligation and a New Year’s resolution for week #2 of 2024 by going to church on Sunday. While going to church is not something new or unusual per my New Year’s resolution, going to an Episcopal Church is. We had no idea what to expect other than it is located directly across the street from the Lutheran church we had recently abandoned because of the congregation’s homophobic harrassment of one of the one pastors who is openly gay. That pastor left the church and the area, but not before she pointed fingers on her way out. The church we left before that one had a homophobic pastor. Did we make progress going from a church with a homophobic pastor to one with a homophobic congregation?

The Flanigans don’t tolerate any mistreatment of others because of their race, creed, color, or sexual orientation. We do tolerate harmless jokes about the MAGA crowd, but that’s about it.

Q: Why did the MAGA crowd deny that German Christmas fruit bread is delicious?

A: Because Trump told them the bread is Stollen.

I literally just made up that joke, and I think that is painfully obvious. I’ll be workshopping that one for the next 11 months to get it ready for next Christmas.

Anyway, we checked on gaychurch.org (really!), and found an accepting Espiscopal church right across the street from our old church. The congregation was definitely welcoming, but seeing this as we slid into the pew was almost a deal-breaker for me.

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Get Unblocked!

January 7, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 4 Comments

Winter should be a great time to write. For me, winter is also a time for me to be seasonally depressed, so my writing does not flow nicely like pus from a lanced boil. That’s more of how I feel in the winter – like a lanced boil. It doesn’t help that we just had our first snowfall of substance this weekend, and there’s more snow forecasted on the way this week. Gross.

So, I thought I’d force my writing hand by looking for writing contests with deadlines coming up soon. There are plenty, but most seemed to require more effort than I am willing to give. That resolution I made to relaunch my writing career may be more difficult than I thought.

Then I found this writing contest …

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Resolving to Resolve Again

January 4, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan

As I walked today, I was reminded of one additional New Year’s resolution I need to make for 2024. I walked past our local elementary school where my wife works. There it was, staring at me in the face again. How can kids learn anything in that school with this sort of topsy-turvy nonsense plastered on the windows?

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You Say You Want a Resolution

January 2, 2024 ~ Jim Flanigan ~ 5 Comments

The Beatles sang something close to that title many years ago. I’m pretty sure that on some New Year’s Day in the past, Ringo resolved to live longer than Keith Richards. So far, so good. Ringo looks great at age 83 (older than Keef!), and I read he credits eating broccoli with every meal as part of his vegan diet. That’s not a bad resolution for me in 2024. I think that will be what I call a soft resolution which means my efforts toward that resolution will be sporadic, random, and uninspired.