Your Salvation is in my Hands

In yesterday’s post, I waxed philosophical about religion. Later that day, I waxed my back & shoulders. I’ll blog about that hair-raising experience another day. Today, I will tell you what I am doing about the whole religion issue.

I’m not one to sit back and do nothing, unless it is the weekend and effort is required on my part. I think religion has gone off course, especially with so-called evangelical Christians supporting hedonistic pagan Donald Trump. I don’t want to crucify or even cross those Christians. They don’t need my persecution. I think they need salvation.

With that in mind, I acquired this yesterday …

ar-15

No, wait. How’d that get posted? I acquired that for my upcoming “discussion” with a neighbor about a fencing dispute. This is what I acquired for your salvation …

ordination

That’s right, please call me Reverend Jim from now on. I think Dudeism is finally the religion I have been seeking. From Wikipedia, which is never wrong except when it is, we get this info.

“Although Dudeism primarily makes use of iconography and narrative from The Big Lebowski, adherents believe that the Dudeist worldview has existed since the beginnings of civilization, primarily to correct societal tendencies towards aggression and excess. They list individuals such as LaoziEpicurusHeraclitusBuddha, and the pre-ecclesiastical Jesus Christ as examples of Great Dudes in History.” And now you can add me to that list. Put me between Laozi and Epicurus. Heraclitus can be a bit of a dick.

There are supposedly about half a million Dudeist Priests ordained throughout the world. I wonder how many Dudeist Priests enjoy the music of Judas Priest? Some Judas Priest songs like these sound very appropriate for a Dudeist Priest.

  • Call For The Priest
  • Cathedral Spires
  • Metal Gods
  • Metal Messiah
  • Solar Angels

And these?

  • A Touch Of Evil
  • Burn In Hell
  • Devil Digger
  • Devil’s Child
  • Evil Fantasies
  • Hell Patrol
  • Let Us Prey
  • Saints In Hell

Maybe not so much.

More Wikipedia wisdom on Dudeism …

“The Dudeist belief system is essentially a modernized form of Taoism stripped of all of its metaphysical and medical doctrines. Dudeism advocates and encourages the practice of “going with the flow”, “being cool headed”, and “taking it easy” in the face of life’s difficulties, believing that this is the only way to live in harmony with our inner nature and the challenges of interacting with other people. It also aims to assuage feelings of inadequacy that arise in societies which place a heavy emphasis on achievement and personal fortune. Consequently, simple everyday pleasures like bathing, bowling, and hanging out with friends are seen as far preferable to the accumulation of wealth and the spending of money as a means to achieve happiness and spiritual fulfillment.”

The sound of that is incredibly appealing to me, especially the taking it easy, bathing,  bowling, and hanging out parts. I’m warming to the idea of taking it easy and hanging out with my friends doing some bowling while bathing. On second thought, that bowling-bathing combo could be tough.

bowling ball in bathtub

And the bathwater might make the lanes even slipperier than they normally are.

bowling slippery.gif

Ouch. That looks like a painful 7-10 split. But now at least I am at peace knowing that I can deliver to you the message of salvation. Well, to those of you who are not tainted by porn, cheating on your spouse, taking the name of the Dude in vain, violating your body with drugs & alcohol, abusing your spouse, … oh, forget it. That eliminates most of you, doesn’t it? Is there no one anymore who cleanseth his soul? And while you’re at it, wash behind your ears, too.

If you find anyone who is pure of heart and willing to tithe directly to me in cash, send them my way. From now on, this dude abides.

dude abides

I’m sorry, now that I’m an ordained minister, it should be this Dudeist Priest abideth. Can I get an amen?

3 thoughts on “Your Salvation is in my Hands

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