I had 3 experiences yesterday that I don’t like, all before noon. I don’t want to go into great detail, as I will save that for my analyst. Here they are, in no particular order except numerical, actually alpha-numerical if you look at #2.
#1 – The moment I realize that I need to trim my nose hair. I think it was when I spotted myself in my car’s rear-view mirror that I understood the need to machete back my nasal growth. The worst part about that is realizing that for days prior, anyone shorter than you has been looking up your nose and wondering why endangered species haven’t sought refuge in the dense nasal underbrush.
#2a – Yawning while peeing.
#2b – Yawning while flushing.
I don’t think much explanation is needed about these two. I prefer not to even breathe while using the facilities. I did both 2a and 2b yesterday in addition to breathing. Yuck.
#3 – Getting caught wearing the same shirt 2 days in a row. I just deposited $900 in cash at the bank the day before yesterday due to getting money sent by Western Union from Yemen. Before you call Homeland Security, it was a pure business transaction, or at least that will be my story during the waterboarding. I was wearing my Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt for that deposit, and ended up sleeping in it. I was told yesterday morning that we needed that $900 in cash that afternoon, and I needed to drop one of my numerous children at work pronto. So off I went hurriedly, in the same Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt to the very same bank. I could have driven additional mileage to go to another branch. I didn’t. I faced the music. They said nothing except for exchanging the normal pleasantries, but I know they were wondering if I also had not changed my underwear. Sadly, that would have been the correct guess.
Bonus Hate – Clipping my toenails, which I did not do yesterday, but if this post is any indication, may make for a scintillating blog post at a later date.