Winter Laundry is Devil Spawn

There are so many reasons to hate winter that it would be hard to whittle them down to make a Top 10 list.

Right off the top of my head, there’s winter dandruff, literally. There’s snow, ice storms, sleet, slush and freezing rain. There are short days and long nights. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a correlation between the two? There’s the end of the football season. There’s dry, itchy skin. There’s wind chill factor and below zero temps. There’s no Daylight Savings Time. There’s crushing debt after the holidays. There’s winter weight and all-too-easily-broken New Year’s resolutions to shed that winter weight. Have I mentioned frostbite? How about windburn? Maybe snow blindness? Then there are the people taking vacations to warm, exotic locales without me. Oh, how I hate them all so much. There are too many reasons to list and we haven’t even gotten to one of the most insidious reasons to hate winter … Winter Laundry. I get the chills just typing that. Oh right, that’s because it is winter and it is freakin’ cold and almost impossible not to be chilled.

What I wear for half of the year is a shirt, boxers and shorts. In the spring and fall, I replace the shorts with jeans. That’s it. So everyday, I drop a shirt and boxers in the laundry. At the end of the week, I have one small load of wash to do. Life is so good that I may even consider washing the shorts or jeans that week.

shirt and shorts
Yes, that’s me much of the year, except I’m much older, have never been that attractive, have much less hair, usually need a shave, have a bigger gut, don’t wear stylish clothes, and usually sport $1 flip flops. Other than that, that’s me!

Then along comes winter and I am soon surrounded by clothes. Socks are everywhere. It’s like a sock factory exploded in my house. My kingdom for a matched pair of socks! And then there’s the undershirts. Wearing an undershirt means a 100% increase in shirt laundry! But wait a second, those shirts I wear in the winter are almost exclusively long sleeve and bulky for warmth. Bump that up to a 200% increase in laundry shirtage.

Then there’s all the ancillary winter laundry: robe, long underwear, gloves, scarves, knit hats, jackets, coats, sweaters, hoodies for layering, etc. Pass me a dryer sheet to mop my brow. I’m exhausted just thinking about doing all that laundry.

OK, so I don’t really believe that winter laundry is devil spawn, but I kind of wish it was. Wouldn’t that make it inherently warm? If there is any upside to winter laundry, it is putting on warm clothes right out of the dryer. The cozy factor is off the charts. Rather than putting another log on the fire, you can pass me a warm sweatshirt please.      

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